The 'betes

Some obvious statements and some updates

2007-10-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

Obvious:

I'm no longer terribly interested in blogging about my diabetes. I'm doing just find on that front, and since I'm not much of a writer I don't feel compelled to update the blog just for the sake of writing. I do, however, continue to read and enjoy a bunch of my favorite D blogs, so keep writing!

Updates:

I started a new blog! It's a cooking blog where I'll post pictures and recipes. I just started it. Check it out if you'd like at cookinghussy.wordpress.com

An image

2007-01-11T06:51:00.000-08:00

There is something about an image. How motivational can an image, or multiple images, be? Apparently, very motivating.

I discovered Kevin's logbook via Scott's blog. There was a post that included a snap shot of one day. I saw that logbook and thought "oh the order!". There is a spot for everything I want to make note of. It's on the computer, which is much more likely to get filled out than anything on paper. Ther is a graph. Oh my god I love graphs. And weekly averages? And WEEKEND averages? And standard deviation!

The best part about it is that I didn't have to do any of the work to put together what seems to be the perfect log (for me anyway). Thank you to Kevin, Scott and the multiple others that were involved with figuring it out.

Now that I see what happens when I eat healthy, when I eat pizza, when I eat that stupid muffin, when I leave a site in too long... I can make a change. I can see that everyday, around 11:00 am, I'm dropping. Every. Single. Day. Why didn't I see this before? Because I didn't have this handy graph to show me!

And now, I can have days like this:

Posting Just to Post

2006-12-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

* Christmas is right around the corner. All my gifts are purchased and I have successfully stayed within my modest budget. My family keeps growing (boyfriends/girlfriends and kids) that is soon going to be time to picking names to buy ONE person a gift, not everyone.

* The boy is coming home with me for the holidays. He's looking forward to it, which I think is cute and possibly a lie. But a lie I'm willing to pretend to believe.

* I have four people (two couples) staying in my apartment for two days around New Years. That's not including my roommates and their possible guests. In years past, our apartment has been known as the flop house. A nice, clean flophouse, but a flophouse none the less. It's going to be crowded.

* I still have diabetes. My blood sugar still fluctuates. I still get annoyed with it sometimes. I still just continue to maintain. I have an endocrinologist appointment on January 3rd, which will be fun right after the holidays.

* I start my first class for grad school on January 3rd. It's barely crossed my mind.

* My sister is pregnant with her second baby and due February 28th. I'm planning a baby shower for late January. I'm not great with planning these sorts of things, but the invitations are out.

Sailing along

2006-11-29T10:55:00.000-08:00

I made it through Thanksgiving just fine, thank you! The boy and I headed down to Texas where the majority of his immediate family live (Houston). Spent Thanksgiving eating the usual fare of turkey, ham, green beans, rolls, potatoes... and about 5 pies. Amazingly, I used a much smaller amount of insulin that day (17 units) than my normal days (25-30). I think I was focusing so much on not going overboard that I steered clear of a lot of the heavy carb stuff, just having tastes of everything. Not bad! And the blood sugar was just lovely.

Then we headed for the coast. A couple of rented condos on North Padre Island awaited us. I ran along the beach, swam in the ocean, relaxed in a giant hot tub and watched the sunrise.

I spent time getting to know the boy's family a bit more as well, which was nice.

And on Saturday afternoon we drove into Corpus Christi, pulled up to a dock with hundreds of sailboats, from the tiny to the giant, the slow to the fast, and stepped on a 40 foot sail boat.

And I sailed (for about 2 minutes until I demanded the captain take over again. Those things are hard! The wind resistance is no joke!)

Do you see the two people in the background laughing? That's the captain and a student, laughing at me. And see how it's all tipped sideways? I'm trying to stand on that thing AND sail. Luckily I didn't break anything or run into any other boats.

Roller Coaster

2006-11-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

Nothing I like more than heading into the holidays on a roller coaster of blood sugars.

Gah!

Within the past three years

2006-11-09T06:13:00.000-08:00

Within the past three years I’ve…

Moved to a new city

Discovered a career I enjoy

Gotten into heated debates about important things and irrational arguments over the inconsequential

Received a promotion

Laughed

Watched my nephew grow

Became close friends with my brother who was also my roommate for 2.5 of those years

Learned to drive a stick shift

Met a man that I care for deeply

Applied for a graduate program and been accepted

Made friends that I’ll have for life

Worried

Brewed 8 batches of homebrew (silly, but I’m so proud)

Held my hand on my sister’s belly, hoping to feel her second baby kick

Become a runner (of sorts)

Cried

Been comforted

Watched the events of the world unfold and done my best to make a difference

Celebrated weddings with old friends and new

Been hopeful

Within the past three years I’ve lived with type 1 diabetes. Here’s to the day that I can put down a finite number of years I’ve lived with this disease.

Breaking News on Election Day: CNN is Horrible

2006-11-07T13:51:00.000-08:00

It's election day. I've already voted and I'm trying to concentrate on NOT checking multiple web sites all day long for any glimmer of outcome while at work. But I'm obviously failing.

I click onto CNN to see in the BIG red banner at the top: BREAKING NEWS: Britney Spears Files for Divorce from Husband Kevin Federline

Seriously? Breaking news on election day is about a stupid celebrity couple divorcing? I'm so disgusted.

Cooking up a... well, you know.

2006-11-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

Girls Night

2006-11-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

While chatting with my friend K the other day on email, I brought up my interest in knowing more about her job. She suggested we meet up for drinks or dinner to chat about it. I thought that a couple other of our friends would be interested as well. It spiraled from there and now I have 5 girl friends coming over tonight for wine, cheese and other appetizers. I so rarely do the all girls stuff, I'd much rather just go out with all my friends, guys or girls. But I'm really looking forward to our girls night tonight. Since the boy moved to Chicago I've been trying to figure out how to spend the time that I want with my friends as well. It's hard to have enough time in the day to do everything I want with everyone I enjoy. So if it takes a girls night to see my friends, so be it.

I'll bring the prosseco, cheese and gossip.

And the boy? Tonight the boy is going to meet up with some of my guy friends, who he is slowly getting to know and like. Drinks some beer, play some video games etc.

If I wasn't so excited to see my girl friends, I'd be sooo grossed out by myself right now. *sigh* Does this mean I'm getting older, that I have to schedule time with girl friends?

On another note, I've been trying to post a picture of my Halloween costume, but stupid blogger hasn't let me yet. I'll keep trying though.

Snowboarding + Pump = Disaster?

2006-11-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

I need some help. I'm headed to Colorado for a few days and our plans involve snowboarding. I've never done any down hill anything and am thinking I'd like to try. I know that I'll be falling almost as soon as I attempt to stand on the board, so what to do about the pump? How do I keep it dry and unbroken? How do I protect my site? Is there anyway or do I try to go without for the afternoon? I've never done anything like this so any advice is appreciated.

Help!

Bunny Hop

2006-10-23T06:43:00.000-07:00

When the boy moved to Chicago, his lovely little Honda Civic came with him. He's been chauffeuring me all over in this cute little reliable car since he moved here in August. Why? Because I don't know how to drive a stick shift. Or I didn't until yesterday.

Finding an empty parking lot in Chicago is not an easy task. Finally I thought of a big high school with a decent sized parking lot that would likely be empty on a Sunday afternoon. It was. It even had a few speed bumps.

I've been so nervous about learning this. I don't own a car so I never drive. The last time I've driving was probably when I was home for Christmas last year. And before that? Who knows. So not only was I nervous about learning this new technique, I was also nervous about getting behind the wheel again period (of the boy's lovely little car no less!).

I get behind the wheel. Pull the seat WAY forward so as to push the clutch all the way to the floor. And then we're off. And I *wasn't that bad*! Granted, we had a few bunny hops (as the boy referred to them) and I certainly stalled the car a few times, but over all I got the hang of it.

Now it's on to the streets. Of Chicago. *ahem*

Stop. 1st gear. Stall. *HONK* repeat.

The double check

2006-10-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday I was sitting down to breakfast after a friend's wedding in the Amana Colonies in Iowa. I was at 98 upon waking up and hadn't eaten anything or taken any insulin. It was about 2 hours after waking up that I check my blood sugar again before eating. 354.

First it's the wave of anger. OVER 300?! How is that even possible?!

Second is the wave of disappointment. I must have done something wrong. Did I eat something that I'm not remembering? Miss a bolus?

Third is the doubt. The doubt hit me when I was just about ready to press the ACT button, sending way too many units of insulin into my system to correct the high and cover my meal. The doubt stuck. I hit escape and licked my finger. Did that taste sweet? I check another finger and ring in at a lovely 94.

Fourth is the relief. Oh man that could have been bad. But it wasn't because I caught it just in time.

In other news: I've decided to drive back home to surprise my sister for her 30th birthday party next weekend. It's a Halloween theme so I'm thinking of a costume that'll be better than Velma from last year. And the boy has to think of one too. I came up with an idea and shared it with my dad, who thought it was the funniest thing in the world (it's not, it's actually kind of silly). I'm going to dress as a chef, with an apron and a chef hat. Then I'm going to carry around a mixing bowl with a spoon in it and it will be filled with little cotton ball clouds, lightning bolts, rain drops, tornadoes etc. I'll be cooking up a storm....

Ba dum CHING!

Snow!

2006-10-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

I love the fall. I love the changing leaves and running through the dry crunchy ones on the sidewalk. I love the smell and the pumpkins on doorsteps. I love curling up under my big comforter when I go to bed without getting too hot. I love a nice hot to-go cup of coffee keeping me warm on my way to work. I love the anticipation of the holidays, the family visits, the food!

But it snowed this morning. October 12. Snow. Wind chill: 22 degrees. *ahem*

It sure looked beautiful, but I'm not ready yet! Give me my fall back!

Why oh Why Have I Waited So Long!?

2006-10-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

I have used an One Touch Ultra Smart meter since the day I was diagnosed in April of 2004. About a year ago I switched to the Multi Clix lancet, which is lovely. But I've never even thought about changing meters, mostly because my pharmacy would automatically mail me test strips for this meter every 3 months, and I was too lazy to change.

But at my last endocrinologist appointment (which went well) I asked my doctor for a script for the FreeStyle Flash and strips. Oh. My. God. After opening the package yesterday I just kind of stood there with this tiny thing in my hand and thought "I'm an idiot." I'm so behind the game it's embarrassing. Just the tiniest drop of blood is all it needs. It fits in my cute little kit much better than the giant Ultra Smart. And that little light at the end that shines on the test strip? Ingenious.

And now for something completely different: the eye sight in my left eye is getting worse. I wear contacts. I don't have terrible eye sight, but things are fuzzy if I don't wear them. But lately I've been noticing the fuzziness in my left eye when I'm wearing my contacts. It's time for my annual eye exam, so I've got an appointment in two weeks. *sigh* I'm going to just assume that it's normal, not diabetes related. But it still makes me nervous.

Deadlines

2006-09-13T06:47:00.000-07:00

I work as a grants manager for a non-profit in Chicago. I've been in this position for about 2.5 months. Yesterday I faced my first scary deadline. With a $69,000 proposal due at 5:00 downtown, I finished printing and making the copies at 4:15. This is not how I function. EVER. Never ever ever do I wait for the last minute. But things happen and there I was, sweating it out all afternoon hoping that I'd get that damn thing in on time. And I did. 4:59 p.m. It's written on my receipt. *gasp*

But then I went to job number 2 and got to help make hummus, tabouli, and baklava. Have you ever seen what's in baklava? Phillo dough, butter, phillo dough, butter, phillo dough (etc), yummy nutty mixture in the middle, more phillo dough and butter. Bake. And the finishing touch (and the part that makes it absolutely inedible for me) is the syrup. Sugar and honey. A lot of it. Intense. But the boy was able to attend class and enjoy it all, which was fun.

I rolled into my apartment around 11:15, drank a porter (homebrew), and crawled into bed. I'm still tired this morning, but there are worse things in the world. Like baklava.

The Tipping Point

2006-09-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

I feel like I reach a tipping point with my diabetes management every once in a while. I'll be going along fine, not thinking about it too much, but just enough, and then something happens and all the sudden every blood sugar over 200 shows my complete and utter failure at carb counting. Ever low shows my recklessness. And every roller coaster day leaves me grumpy and pissed off and amazed that I ever have a blood sugar that's in range for more than, oh, a minute or two.

I'm at that point right now. It may be due to my new and improved excel sheet. I've entered all my lab reports, all my insurance claims, all my hospital bills and I'm starting to enter all my highs/lows with the date and time so that I can more accurately see when my basal or bolus rates may need adjusting. And oh man, that never makes you feel good about your management. Seeing all those too big or too small numbers, all smashed together.

Add in that on Thursday night I went out for Thai food with the boy, ordered cashew chicken and said "this tastes much sweeter than any cashew chicken I've had before, do you think so?" He said yes but cautioned me to not over bolus since we didn't actually know how sweet it was. I could always correct later. And boy howdy did I. After a heated argument about where some plastic bins of clothes should be placed (about 2 hours after eating) I checked my blood sugar. It sucks to have to say "sorry, I really don't care where you put those, but my high blood sugar must REALLLLY hate where YOU want to put them..." So I corrected and crossed off 'cashew chicken' on the take out menu we brought home. Who wants sweet cashew chicken anyway?

Arrival

2006-08-31T07:47:00.000-07:00

And he's here. After a 3 1/2 hour wait on the runway at Midway on Thursday night due to weather in Mpls, everything went smoothly (sort of). Friday morning we were up early to get the giant moving truck with a tow to haul his car. Loaded everything, gulped down a gatorade to combat the expected low (I tried to preempt this with a lower basal, but alas, not enough), and we were on the road by noon. The biggest argument we had on the trip was about which flavor blizzard to get at Dairy Queen. We ended up with reeses peanut butter cup. Good choice by the way.

We spent the weekend with my family and had so much fun. My nephew is the most amazing boy ever (seriously). He now has a sense of humor and likes to make up words. We played ball, made a train, had a tea party and fed ducks. I sat down in questionable grass (read: grass surely covered in duck poop) just because he was and he asked me to join him. Well of COURSE I will! My sister and her husband delighted in telling me that, while in the car on the way to see the ducks, he said "Where is Uncle Chris?". Oh boy, not quite yet there nephew! See that humor I mentioned?

We ate steak and corn and pumpkin pie and my grandma's fabulous cinnamon rolls (which she left unfrosted for me, thanks Grandma!). Sunday morning we hit the road to Chicago, paid what felt like a million dollars in toll fare, and made it safely. Unloaded the truck in time to enjoy some thai food before watching the season finale of Deadwood. Best. Sunday. Night. Ever.

And tonight I help him move into his new place (which he hasn't even SEEN yet, since I helped find it with one of my friends). Frozen pizza and beer will follow I'm sure.

It's only been a few days, but damn, this is fun.

Re-Lurking

2006-08-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

I know there is such a thing as 'de-lurking', but what about re-lurking? I feel as if that's what I have been doing for the past few months. I've fallen back into just reading and enjoying other people's blogs. What amazes me is the wide scope of blogs that are now on my list. I'm reading about people trying to get pregnant and people giving birth as well as reading about people's vacations and brushes with fame. And I feel so connected to all these people and their lives that they are sharing with the world. It's an amazing little blogging world I stepped into, and for now I'm really enjoying being a lurker (for the most part).

As far as my own 'betes news, there's not much to say. Not too many lows, probably too many highs, but nothing earth shattering or completely scary. I'm still fighting with my insurance company to get them to pay for 'betes supplies from February 2005 as well as from my one weeks use of the CGMS. I'm still jogging on a regular basis and am the same ideal weight I've been for about a year or more now. And hopefully I'd learn that my A1c is right where it should be at my doctors appointment in September. Same old same old.

Tomorrow I fly to Minneapolis to collect my guy. We'll pack up, have lunch with his dad then drive to my hometown to visit my family. Sunday we'll head to Chicago and then we'll attempt to not kill each other while getting used to living in the same city.

So then. Back to lurking.

I am...

2006-06-27T06:32:00.000-07:00

I am excited about my newly purchased pouch for my meter, lancet and test strips.

I am appreciative of the hard work my brother’s girlfriend put into creating my beautiful new medical id bracelet.

I am nervous about my new position of Grants Manager, which starts July 1st and brings with it unknown challenges (as well as known benefits including a bit of a pay raise).

I am delighted that in 52 days I can stop saying ‘long distance’ in front of ‘boyfriend’.

I am feeling fit and thinking of setting a goal.

I am happy for my blogging friends for the new developments in their personal and diabetic lives.

I am proud of my blogging friends for continuing to be open and honest about the highs and lows of diabetes and life in general.

I am in awe of my cousin and can’t wait to stand in line with all the comic book fanatics tonight to see the movie. Now people will know, it’s Routh like South.

I am, for the moment, quite happy.

Help with endurance running

2006-06-02T09:44:00.001-07:00

I've been working out 3-4 times a week for a few months now. I've been jogging outside for about a month, alternating between that and the gym. I've recently become much more interested in jogging longer distances and amounts of time but I've run into a problem of figuring out how to do that with the 'betes.

I can get my bs up to about 160-180 before hand and after 30-40 minutes I'm down to around 80-100. I want to run longer but I don't want to have my bs higher than that when I start. Any advice? Any good sites/blogs that talk about carrying your meter and snacks? What carbs work the best? Should I be changing my daily diet to be eating more complex carbs?

Let me know if anyone has any info or sites (or books, how old fashioned!) they recommend.

Help with endurance running

2006-06-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

Busy

2006-05-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy for the past few weeks. Months? It's a fun busy though, so I don't mind.

Update on The Bill. I talked to my insurance (*ppbbtt*!). And then I talked to my doctor and CDE and *thank goodness* I'm not going to get that bill. They're going to hassle my insurance company for me and if that fails, she's going to honor the price she told me (cheap). I hope I never have to find a new doctor and CDE.

In other news, my first 5k was a failure. At 7:00 a.m. last Sunday I was standing at the front window with my brother, who was planning on running with me, watching it rain. We saw a man walking on the sidewalk wearing running shoes and a plastic bag over himself (makeshift rain coat!). He was walking to the race! We should go too and brave the rain! Then we SAW HIM TURN AROUND AND WALK BACK! We decided against it. Another day. Another time.

Things I'm looking forward to:

- Minneapolis this weekend (and always, August, when he moves to Chicago)
- Trip to cabins in Iowa to spend a weekend with my family (Mom, Dad, Older sister & her husband and son, younger sister, older brother and his girlfriend and my guy and me). That's next weekend.
- Summer. Pools. Amusement parks. Picnics. Bocce ball. White wine in my back yard on a lovely afternoon while reading and watching my tomatoes grow.
- Did I mention August?

Back to work.

Insurance help

2006-04-28T06:47:00.000-07:00

So last night I got home to a $947.00 bill from my endocrinologist. My insurance doesn't want to pay it since it was for my time meeting with the CDE about the CGMS.

I need help. I feel like there is an efficient and effective way to talk to insurance companies about this and I haven't the slightest idea how to do it. Do I just call in? Do I write a letter? Do I call and write? Do I call my doctor and have them call the insurance company? Do I have my doctor write a letter about the necessity? I looked on JDRF's site and found nothing of this sort.

I work for a non-profit. I'm so very close to paying off my hospital stay... from two years ago. I don't make enough money to pay this off and REALLY don't want to. I realize that the insurance company may not pay for it in the end anyway, but I'd like to do all I can to try. Please give me any and all advice you have!

Thanks.

2006-04-27T06:22:00.000-07:00

Two years today.

Jumping on the bandwagon: Hypos without Symptoms!

2006-04-19T10:49:00.001-07:00

It's not really bandwagon I wanted to jump on, but there it is. After reading Kerri's scary post I decided to post about my recent (albeit not nearly as low or eventful) hypo without symptoms.

This past weekend I was in Minneapolis with my boy. We had gone out for a couple drinks with friends on Friday night after a quick bit to eat. We get back to his apartment and decided that leftovers sound perfect. We share half of my left over quesadilla while chatting. About an hour later we're both ready for sleep and I grab my meter to do the before sleep check. 44. Huh? I almost check it again before I realize that there's not much time for rechecking, even though I FEEL NOTHING. I tell him I need some juice to drink, and we both head to the fridge to forage for a sugar filled liquid. I grab a capri sun and drink. I'm sitting on his bed, tears streaming down my face, eating a peanut butter cracker, with him sitting next to me trying to comfort me, more bewildered than anything.

Since we are in a long distance relationship, he hasn't ever seen me in a panicky low situation. And this was especially panicky for me since it was my first hypo without symptoms. I'm not too worried about it now, but if it happens again I will be.

In other news, I just got a note from my insurance company that they aren't going to cover a $1,000 bill from my endocrinologist. It was from the appointment I had with my CDE about testing out the CGMS. Both her and I assumed that they would reject covering the two sensors, but not the appointment cost. I've yet to get a bill from her though, so I hope she's trying her hardest to hassle them into payment. Otherwise... I don't know. I should start playing the lottery.

Finally, in happy news, I went on a 3 mile run around a beautiful lake in Minneapolis with my boy on Saturday morning. I'm offically ready for my first 5k at the end of April!

Numbers

2006-04-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

I had my endocrinologist appointment today. I brought in the Guardian, already back to finger pricks after the sensor died Sunday morning.

My overall experience with the Guardian was good. It was great. I really enjoyed seeing what my blood sugar did after eating different things. Turns out I had a better time controlling it after eating a big bowl of cold stone ice cream with Chris in Minneapolis than I did after eating a 6 inch whole wheat sub from Subway. I discovered that my blood sugar sometimes RISES while I work out.
Before I just thought that if it was higher after working out I’d eaten too many carbs some how and got my blood sugar too high. No no no. Saturday I worked out (hard!) without eating anything before hand. I had my bottle of Gatorade at my side and the Guardian on the machine and I just watched it clime. 103, 108, 115, 123, 130! I had no idea.

I didn’t enjoy the random alarms during the night because the sensor ‘lost’ the transmitter. I didn’t enjoy the giant strips of tape that had to cover the sensor so as to keep it dry. I didn’t enjoy having the pump AND the sensor/transmitter on my body at the same time. I also became a bit… anal, about checking my blood sugar. But I couldn’t help it! Ten minutes into a meal, why not just push a button and see what’s happening?

So, back to this morning. I brought it into my doctor and my CDE downloaded the information for me to review with the doctor. It was great. We changed a couple bolus ratios and one basal rate, but everything else was great. He was happy. I was happy. Then we went over my lab results. My a1c dropped a little (yay!).

Then there was the ‘4’. Under TSH. Thyroid. My mother has been taking hypothyroid medicine since her early 20s, so it’s in the family. And now I’ve got the ‘betes, which goes hand in hand with thyroid problems. Apparently the old guidelines say that if it’s 5 or over, then I’ve got hypothyroidism and need to take a pill to add some thyroid hormone to my body to combat the symptoms of fatigue (hmm), weight gain (not me, somehow!), and other things (memory loss, slow reactions etc). My doctor likes to play things safe so I went and had some more blood drawn to do another test. When it comes back, he’ll let me know if he recommends a pill to replace some of the thyroid hormone.

Amazingly, I feel great. I had such a good diabetes evaluation that this hypothyroid problem seems like nothing. And really, one pill a day compared to what I do for the ‘betes? No problem.

But for now I’ll wait to see what that number comes up as on Wednesday.

Also, for those of you considering the Guardian, I had a couple questions that I had to call into Minimed for and they were answered wonderfully. Great support. In addition, my doctor mentioned that some people think of buying the Guardian ($2,700) and then using it only intermittently, when there blood sugars are doing crazy things. So instead of using it full time ($400 a month for sensors), you could use it half the time and only spend $200 a month. He also said that the sensors actually last longer than 3 days… you just have to know the trick to tell your meter to keep going! Didn’t mention how long it would last with the trick.

Fasting

2006-04-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

The great thing about this machine is that I can easily test my basal rates. My doctor told me to test for all times of day: night, morning, day time, dinner time. So, yesterday I fasted from 5:00 pm to 6:00 am this morning. Working at my part time job last night, smelling the fried chicken and apple pie that was made... Oooh. That was hard. I took a piece of pie home and will eat it tonight. I'll even tell my doctor that I really wanted to KNOW what happens when I eat pie! Anyway, I made it through my fasting and my blood sugars were fabulous.

Today I'm skipping lunch. So far, so good, but it's only 12:25. I ate breakfast at 6:30. I'll eat a snack before the gym around 5:30. Tomorrow I'll skip dinner (breaking fast around 10 at night) and Friday no breakfast.

I also have to eat meals with exact carbohydrate counts to make sure my bolus rates are correct. Basically, I'm doing a lot of things I normally WOULDN'T do, but it seems necessary. I'll still get a few of my normal meals in there to get an idea of what my blood sugar does during those times (um, dark chocolate anyone?).

Julia, you asked why I would only wear this for 6 days. What happened is that I went to my endocrinologist at my last appointment 3 months ago and mentioned that I was interested in wearing the older constant glucose monitors. I don't know much about these except that you can't check your blood sugar in real time, you only down load it at a later date and look back at it. Anyway, my doctor mentioned that he had a Guardian and that I could use that. My main goal was to see what my blood sugar was doing during all times of the day, eating different foods, during different activities etc. It just happened that I got to use this brand new technology. Brand new EXPENSIVE technology that my insurance won't cover. So that is why I'm only wearing this for 6 days, because it's my doctors and I can't afford one of my own.

That said, if someone gave me one today with free supplies, I'd make use of it, if not wear it everyday. It's still pretty big and cumbersome (for me anyway).

I'm going to go think about what I'll eat for dinner now... besides that pie. :)

No idea

2006-04-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

After one day of use I have to say this: I had no idea my blood sugar reacted in this way.

For instance: Yesterday for lunch I went out with a co-worker for her birthday. I got a chicken avocado club sandwich with a side salad. Total carbs guestimated at 40. I bolus, eat, and watch my blood sugar. At first it starts going lower (from 120 to 105) and then, about 45 minutes after eating, it starts to rise. It continues to rise up to 156 at the two hour mark. In my head, if my blood sugar was at 156 two hours after eating I would just assume that it had been even higher for the previous hour or two. In some cases this is true, in others, obviously, it's not. I just had no idea.

One difficulty I'm finding is that while I'm watching my blood sugar rise after eating, it's so HARD to wait the two hours to see what it will end up at. I want to start corrected right away when I see it at 170 or so, even though after the requisite two hours it might well go back down to 120 or 100 even. It's hard not to jump the gun.

While this thing is currently the best of the best, it isn't terribly small. If I tried to wear any form fitting shirt I'd have a very noticeable bump. But, for the next 5 more days, I don't give a shit about that. I can deal with the inconvenience because the benefits are pretty amazing.

Hooked up

2006-04-03T09:34:00.000-07:00

I’m hooked up. This morning I braved the fierce rain and wind and made it to my endocrinologist’s office by 8:00 a.m. My diabetes educator, Sue, brought me back to her office. For about 20 minutes she showed me the apparatus in all its pieces. I quickly learned how to insert the $40 sensor (carefully!) and after an hour, with instructions on how to calibrate it in 2 hours and 20 minutes, I was off.

For the next 6 days I’ll be wearing/using a Guardian.

My initial reaction is: cool! I’m so excited to see what my blood sugar is doing during the night when I’m asleep or what it does after I eat a cookie compared to a whole grain bowl of cereal. My second reaction is: damn, my stomach sure is crowded now. Seriously. My pump is currently on the right side and the sensor and transmitter is on my left. I feel like I need a utility belt today to carry my pump and this meter. But I don’t care!

So this week will involve a lot of fasting to check my night, evening, morning and day time basal rates. It will also involve a lot more record keeping than normal. (Normal being none at all). I’ll record every bit of food and insulin I take. I’ll record when I exercise and for how long. I’ll even record when I eat those frowned upon foods, because I eat those normally, so I want to know what my body is doing during that two hours afterwards.

I feel like a kid with a new toy. Want to know what my blood sugar is right now? 113! Before that? 110. And before THAT? 107, 104, 102 (in five minute increments).

Stay tuned…

Quarter century

2006-03-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

I'm coming round to my 25th birthday this Sunday. Shortly after my one year blogging anniversary will arise, followed by my two year anniversary with the 'betes. In honor of that anniversary, I've signed up to run my first 5k. It's just two days after the anniversary of going into intensive care and having a friend call my parents, over 1,000 miles away, to tell them their daughter was in the hospital and now has type 1 diabetes. But I'll wait another month to post more about that.

This week I'm busy with job number 1 and job number 2, as well as a hair cut, laundry, brewing our 6th batch of beer, hair cut, working out and getting ready for my boy to arrive on Friday night. I've been so happily busy lately that my diabetes has been on the back burner in my mind. My blood sugars have been average enough for me to put the 'betes back there, so I'm happy with that. The steady exercise for the past month or so has really helped to level things out. Working out 3-4 times a week makes me feel so damn good!

In sad news, my iPod bit the dust. I bought it just over 1 year ago (read: my warranty is no longer!), had to replace the whole thing (for free!) when it crashed about 6 months ago and, low and behold, it's crashed again. All attempts to fix it on my own have failed. $300 down the drain. I won't buy an apple product again. And what am I supposed to do when I go work out?! I still plan on visiting the apple store to harass someone about this... But for the time being I'm sadly without music.

Fantabulous!

2006-03-03T07:21:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling good today. I had a great workout last night, running 30 minutes on the treadmill and feeling light as air (please note that this NEVER happens). I normally feel like crap when I'm running and only do it for how I feel afterwards. But last night was different and I really enjoyed it. Amazing!

My sinuses are slightly clearer. This could be because the steroid nose spray is working better, or it could just be in my mind. Either way, I feel a little better.

To top it off my blood sugars have been great for over a week. Yesterday I went to bed at 104, woke up at 98 and after breakfast of peanut butter toast was 104. After weeks of waking up at 160 and then having a post breakfast of 250+ this is great.

I'm also only work a half day today because I'm flying to Minneapolis to be with my boy this weekend. He's got a great weekend planned with lots of good restaurants and museums. I'm just excited to see him after three weeks away.

And with that I wish you all a fantabulous weekend!

Chronic Sinusitis Vs. Cheese

2006-02-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

I’ve had chronic sinusitis for about a year now. I’ve visited two different ear nose and throat specialists with no improvement. Yesterday I had my second appointment with my second doctor. He told me:

The ringing in my ears (known as Tinnitus) is never going to go away and I might as well make friends with it.

The pressure in my head is ACTUALLY cause by my workspace and how I sit at work. He’s never seen me work, nor my workspace. Grasping…

The sinus infection isn’t that bad. The two drugs I’ve tried (antibiotic and steroid nose spray) haven’t done anything. The CT scan showed that it’s not bad enough for surgery. His solution: nothing. Come back in 6 months.

I realize that doctors are not gods. I realize that chronic sinusitis is very hard to treat when drugs don’t immediately fix the problem. I also can recognize when a doctor isn’t treating me properly and isn’t giving me any information. I literally left the office in tears of frustration. He merely walked out of the exam room, forgetting me immediately.

I talked to my roommates about it last night, getting worked up again and starting to cry. My brother said “It amazes me that you have this major, chronic disease (diabetes) that you rarely complain about or get down about, and then it’s this stupid sinus infection with a myriad of crap doctors ends up being the biggest drama.”

Anyway, I have done a bit of research on my own and am going to try some different changes in my lifestyle to try and cut down on the symptoms before I find yet another ENT specialist.

The most drastic thing I will be doing is cutting dairy out of my diet completely. I’ve read all over that casein, protein found in cow’s milk and other products, is not good for you. It causes all sort of things, one of them being ‘excess mucus’. Okay, so that’s gross. Anyway, I’ve read on a few sites that people dealing with chronic sinusitis who cut dairy out of their diet noticed dramatic improvements after 2 months.

Two months is a long time to go without cheese. But at this point, I’ll try just about anything. My dairy free days started last night. Here goes nothing.

Good blood sugar dance

2006-02-27T06:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, after I've been battling with seemingly endless and inexplicable highs, I get a row of amazing blood sugars. The past weekend has been full of them. Each time I check and I'm around 100, I get this amazed, relieved, and fantastic feeling. Sometimes, after a big meal that I pretty much had to guestimate on, if I get a great reading I'll give a bit of a 'yessss!'. Then, sometimes, after weeks of high reading, I'll get a good number and I'll do a little dance.

Never in public, but still. If someone glanced up at my apartment window at that exact moment they'd see me doing a little dance. It's kind of like my end zone dance. I did one this weekend.

I also went to a dog show this weekend. My roommate enjoys watching dog shows on TV so for Christmas we promised her we'd go to a dog show in Chicago. We went yesterday and saw the whole spectrum, from young handlers to individual breeds to the hounds (with a commentator making lame comments) and, my favorite, the courses. It was so fun to watch the small dogs leaping over hurdles and running through those poles. The best part was once they finished the little dogs would just LEAP right up into their owners arms. It made me want a dog.

Do you want that diced or minced?

2006-02-23T13:16:00.000-08:00

I had my 90 day review on Tuesday at my part-time job. I help prep and clean lots of dishes for a fabulous cooking school. I work two nights a week, which is just about perfect. Not only do I get to learn, but I’ve met some wonderful people and eating some even better food.

The review was good and I now have a 40%(!) discount on everything in the store, and a dollar raise. This will obviously be spent in the store. I’m trying to decide which knife is my favorite, as that will be my first purchase. I’m pretty excited.

Also fun, my boy sent me an email the other day that said “Heard about this on NPR. Science is such an awesome thing: http://www.ahc.umn.edu/news/releases/diabetes022006/home.html”. It’s an interesting article. I normally don’t keep up on all the scientific advances, but it’s good to know it’s all moving forward.

Marathon Shmarathon!

2006-02-23T12:58:00.000-08:00

A few posts back I mentioned some high morning blood sugars. I’ve tested and made corrections to my basal over and over and still, two hours after my normal breakfast, was too high. Finally today, two hours after eating, I was low! Not something I’m normally excited about, but today I was somewhat happy to see a 66 instead of a 200.

I believe the highs have been due to some sinus problems I’ve been having. Actually, for the past 9 months or so I have had major sinus issues. Went to one Ear Nose and Throat specialist 3 times and nothing changed. I finally went into get a CT scan this January and I was diagnosed with Chronic Sinusitis. I found a new ENT specialist who I’ve met with once and will meet with again on Monday, after he’s had time to review all my medical history and scans. Hopefully things will turn around shortly. In the mean time, I am just listening to the constant ringing in my ears, accompanied by the popping when I open my mouth, the headache and the bobble head feeling.

I also must admit that I’ve been lurking lately. Sometimes I just don’t have much to say about diabetes. But watching some of you jump on the exercise bandwagon, I can’t help but get pulled back in. I’ve been slacking a little (okay, a lot) the past three weeks.

While I don’t think the ‘exercise everyday’ routine would work for me (some days I am at one of my works for 16 hours), I do have a goal of 4 times a week. I also want to sign up to run a 5k at the end of April. I know that I could go out and run 3 + miles right now, if I wanted to, but having this goal with give me that competitive nudge that I need to make me just go to the gym.

I mentioned the 5k to the boy and he replied with an email about how, eventually, I’ll get sucked into an 8k, then a 10k. Then, when I know I can do that, I’ll want to run a 10 mile race, and from there it’s on to a half marathon. And, of course, who runs a half marathon and then doesn’t run a full marathon?! So he’s got me running (in his mind) the Chicago marathon next year. I laughed and laughed and laughed! He’s run 6 marathons and is signed up for the Chicago marathon this year. I’ll leave that up to him.

A Family in Need of Support: Please Help!

2006-02-10T08:08:00.000-08:00

Awhile back I wrote about a little boy named Noah, whose parents are friends of my parents, getting diagnosed with type 1. Below is the message they sent to friends and family, asking for donations for their local JDRF Walk for the Cure. This family has had a very difficult time figuring this disease out and finding a community that understands what they are going through. From the bottom of my heart, I ask all of you to consider donating (even $5!) and posting a hopeful message on their JDRF fundraising page. They need to know that there are so many other people out there that are going through the same thing. Here is the link to their page: Noah's Hope Team

Here is their story:
As you may already know, our youngest son, Noah, was diagnosed with Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes on September 26th of this past year. Noah, who will be 4 years old in March, will be insulin-dependent for the rest of his life. In just the four-plus months since he was diagnosed, Noah has already endured over 600 finger pricks and 400 insulin injections. We have already made two trips to the Blank ER to have put on an IV because of flu symptoms and the inability to keep his blood sugar levels within range.

Our only wish this past Christmas, was to have a cure for our son. We know this is something that can be done, but we need everyone’s help and support. We will be Walking For the Cure on March 4th, and hope that you are willing to support us by joining our team and walk with us, or support our team by making a donation to JDRF in Noah’s behalf. Our team is called Noah’s Hope Team, and we are looking for anyone who is willing to walk with us or support us on Saturday, March 4th. Our team goal is to raise $5,000 for JDRF, and we optimistically believe we can raise more than this if everyone would just give a little. A link to the JDRF website is below.

There are so many devastating diseases in our world right now, and that saddens us. The difference with Juvenile Diabetes is that wiping it out of existence is extremely attainable and within reach. Noah often asks us, “When is my diabetes going to go away?” It is a painful question to answer looking at his beaming and hopeful eyes. We feel confident a positive answer will be available to him before he goes to high school. But we need your help to obtain this, to keep the hope alive for our son and for every child who’s only wish is to have the diabetes go away.
Please help us help find a cure for this disease. Help us keep the hope going, for our son, and for all children who must patiently wait for the cure to come.

Thank you so much.

Tom and Terri -and Matthew, Zach, Claire and Noah

Tagged

2006-02-07T06:54:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by Sandra...

Four jobs I’ve had in my life

1. Marketing intern for a spice company
2. Assistant web designer
3. Peon at a nursery/landscaping company
4. Line cook/ prep cook/ hot cook/ server/ hostess at Golden Corral

Four movies I can watch over and over

1. Rushmore
2. Mary Poppins
3. The Princess Bride
4. Best in Show

Four Places I have lived

1. Iowa
2. Arizona
3. Illinois

Four TV shows I love to watch

1. Deadwood (I *heart* HBO shows)
2. Six Feet Under
3. Arrested Development (Damn people for their poor sense of humor!)
4. Project Runway (Guilty pleasure…)

Four places I have been on vacation

1. Colorado
2. Wyoming
3. California
4. Northern woods of Minnesota for a week of fabulous backpacking.

Four of my favorite foods

1. My mom’s homemade whole wheat bread, fresh out of the oven
2. Steamed broccoli
3. Cheese!
4. Salmon off the grill

Four websites I visit daily

1. Bloglines
2. Salon
3. Slate
4. Go Fug Yourself

Four places I would rather be right now

1. Home in bed with my boy asleep
2. In a cozy cabin in the mountains of Colorado
3. In Iowa playing with my nephew
4. Anywhere out of the U.S.

I tag Melissa!

To Charleston and Back Again

2006-02-06T08:09:00.000-08:00

I'm back. I spent the last week in Charleston, South Carolina training on a new database system with my boss. Let me tell you, database training is not all it's cracked up to be. It was a long week but I survived and am now back to work in Chicago. I must say, I do love Chicago.

While I was out of town I got a call from my general doctor. For the past 10 months or so I've had constant ringing in my ears, popping everytime I open my mouth or swallow, headaches and pressure in my head. I went to an ear nose and throat specialist and for months was on every kind of allergy medicine I could think of, including self-delivered shots (more injections? yay!). Nothing changed. My doctor didn't listen and insisted on allergies. I don't like doctors who don't listen so I went back to my general doctor. She sent me to get a CT scan of my sinuses to see what was actually going on. So, she called while I was out of town to tell me that the report shows I have chronic sinusitis that needs 'immediate intervention.' Sounds like fun huh. I have an appointment today with a different ear nose and throat specialist. I'm hoping he gives me a magic drug to clear it up. If not, surgery may be discussed. At least I know what's wrong with me, and isn't that half the battle sometimes?

I see there are many many blogs I haven't read this week. I'll do some work, read some blogs, and post again later.

Up and up and up!

2006-01-25T06:51:00.000-08:00

I've been exercising regularly. I've been trying (please not the word trying) to eat less sweets. And I have been checking my basal rate like a mad woman. But the dawn phenomenon seems to have attacked with a vengeance.

For the past week my morning blood sugars, and now my morning basal rate, have just gone up and up and up. This is one of the first times that this has happened and I haven't gotten angry about it. Angry hasn't helped before and I'm tired of getting angry every time my blood sugar goes through either an up swing (and then back down) or has just gone up and I've had to adjust my rates for the long term.

I just don't want to worry about eating a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch in the morning. I want to just say "hey, I'm hungry. I'm going to eat a very healthy breakfast and bolus correctly and in two hours I'll be in range!" Currently it's more like "well, I'll have a little piece of toast and over bolus and in two hours I may still be over 140..."

So I'm working on fixing that. But I'm not angry about it this time. I just want to "fix" it!

On a different note, I talked to my diabetes educator about the different reservoirs for my minimed pump. We decided to stick with the current infusion set/reservoir through minimed since I have such good luck with them and to save money I'm canceling the automatic delivery through minimed. It was set up automatically when I got the pump and since then I've just been getting more and more, since I only switch every 4 days. So now I have about 10 months of supplies just sitting at my house, waiting. So I can save some money this way.

Saving Money!

2006-01-20T07:09:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Tiffany at Candid Diabetes, I've discovered something that may save me some money. I'm currently using the Paradigm pump and infusion sets. Currently my infusion sets are the most expensive part of my diabetes care. My insurance covers a percentage, after hitting my deductible.

With these new, CHEAPER, reservoirs and infusion sets, I could save hundreds of dollars a year. I've put a call into my doctor to see what he thinks and then I'm set to switch!

Thank goodness for the OC!

2006-01-17T06:16:00.000-08:00

And I'm back. Thanks for all the good wishes on Friday! They seemed to work as I had a wonderful time. Fondue at the Melting Pot on Friday night. Museum and dinner/drinks with friends on Saturday. Brokeback Mountain on Sunday (have you seen it?! Fabulous!) and then a very early flight home yesterday. I went straight to work after arriving at the Midway airport at 8am. Needless to say I wasn't terribly productive yesterday at work. Ah well. It was well worth it.

I had my endocrinologist appointment yesterday after work. A1c of 6.0 (a little higher than my previous blood test a1c of 5.7). My doctor was very happy with the number so that's fine by me. I'm probably just slowly creeping out of the honeymoon so bit by bit it will become harder to keep my a1c as low as it is. I also got a few new (free!) toys including a back up meter and the software/cable to download my meter to my computer. Why I haven't had this before I have no idea. My doctor also informed me that Chicago is one of the 7 cities that Minimed is testing their new Guardian Continuous Glucose Monitoring System. He *whispered* to me that the next time I visit he might be able to let me test it for a week or so. I might just have to do that.

Minneapolis Bound

2006-01-13T07:37:00.000-08:00

Chicago and Minneapolis. So close, yet so freaking far away.

I'm headed to Minneapolis this afternoon to visit the boy. The new boy. Sort of new anyway. We met way back in October at a wedding that I attended as a guest of my roommate. Seriously, who meets at a wedding?! I never thought that actually happened in real life. I noticed him at first because of his height (6'4", which is giant compared to my 5'5" stance). Then he kept my attention with his charming yet snarky personality. He visited Chicago. Three times now since the beginning of December. Our phone conversations make me feel like I'm back in high school due to the length of just one call. I truly spend as little time on the phone as possible, but then I met him and talking on the phone was the closest thing we had to actually being together. It's a measly runner up.

So this weekend is my first Minneapolis visit (besides the wedding). I'll see his apartment, meet his friends and get to spend sometime with him. I'm delighted. He was here last weekend and meet my friends (and my brother, who is also my roommate). Everyone seems to like him, and he them.

Tonight he's taking me out to dinner. Fondue. I want to laugh but he's so terribly excited, as all of his couple friends have gone and really enjoyed it. So I'm preparing for a stomach full of cheese, oily meat, and chocolate. It will be an experience I'm sure.

My bag is packed and I get to leave work early at 2:00. I'm trying to hold in the excitement but I just can't wipe this silly smile off my face.

Oh, and the best part: When I told him I have type 1 diabetes he had no idea about what that meant (nor did I when I was diagnosed). Now he seems to know about as much as I do. He told me the other day that he jumped on the computer after I told him and researched a bunch of information on it. It's a little silly, but it made me feel really good about him. :)

Drink of water anyone?

2006-01-11T06:26:00.000-08:00

I left work around 11 last night, call my boy and headed home. We chatted while I walked the two blocks home and a bit more while I prepared for bed. I crawled into my nice warm bed at midnight and fell asleep almost instantaneously.

Around 2:30 am I woke up. I woke because I felt water splashing on me. Here is the situation I woke up to:

Me, kneeling in my bed (face towards my pillow), water glass in hand pouring water onto my mattress.

Let me just say I was very shocked and confused as to what the hell I was doing. I grabbed a ton of kleenexes and soaked up as much water as I could, threw a towel over the water drenched spot and went back to sleep (after checking to make sure my bs was okay at 102).

Now, this has never happened to me before. There were some instances in college of sleep walking, and I have had some very vivid dreams before, but who hasn't? Unfortunately I can't remember anything from any sort of dream I MUST have been having.

What a strange way to wake yourself up. I can only imagine what the scene would have been like if my boy were there and he woke to me pouring water on him. :)

Back to work

2006-01-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

I'm back to work today. The past two weeks have been full of traveling, days off, great food, guests, and absolutely no routine. While I am NOT a happy camper to be back to work today, since almost everyone else I know has the day off, I am somewhat happy to get a little routine and normalness back into my life.

The 'betes has been tolerable during all the craziness though. Not Fabulous, but not horrible either. Good enough for me.

I have my next endocrinologist appointment in a few weeks. I'll be interested to see what my A1c is. I always think it's going to go up...

So, back to work for me. Back to normalcy. I think I'm really going to enjoy 2006. It's certainly starting out well... :)

Pandora

2005-12-16T06:36:00.000-08:00

I've discovered the most wonderful web site. www.pandora.com

I'm one of those people who finds a band that I really really like and then want more music just like it. Pandora does it for you! You put in an artist you really like (or more specific, a song) and it finds music similar to that and creates a station for you. I have about 10 stations that I've been rotating through for the past week. I now have a list a mile long of new (to me) artists to get music from. And no, they aren't paying me to rant and rave about them!

I've been a blog lurker for the past week or two. Not much to say myself but really enjoying reading all those blogs out there. There are so MANY now. From when I started mine in April, the number of diabetes blogs has increased ten fold. I'm amazed and very happy about the O.C.

My new part time job is wonderful. I help prep for classes and discover how little I actually know about prepping. I am in desperate need of a knife skills class to perfect my onion chopping skills. The chef I worked with the other day saw me hacking at an onion and was aghast. I have perfected my dish washing skills though. :) and the food, oh the food! After everyone in the class leaves at about 9:30 the chef and I sit down and devour (or at least I do) the leftovers. I'm eating food that I'd be paying big bucks for at a restaurant. Some of the chefs come from cooking jobs at some of the biggest restaurants in Chicago. Very nice perks.

I'm headed out to lunch with my boss and two other co-workers in my department today for our holiday present exchange. Greektown. Nothing like a big heavy lunch to make you want to fall asleep for the rest of the afternoon!

Produce

2005-12-06T11:35:00.000-08:00

I love vegetables. Green, red, orange, yellow, doesn't matter, I'd probably like to snack on it right now. The problem is that it's hard to get to the store, and when I do the produce section sometimes leaves a lot to be desired. I've also read a lot about organic, locally grown, in season produce and the many benefits in all three of those things. So I've decided to take the plunge: I'm joining a coop.

I pay a set amount a week and they deliver (for only $5!) to my front door a box full of veggies and fruit for the week. All of it is either organic, locally grown, or in season (or all three!). I'm really excited about doing this since not only is it socially responsible, it's also great for my health & diabetes.

I'll keep you posted on all the weird sorts of vegetables that are sure to arrive at my door. I imagine my recipes will have to expand, or I'll end up with some very strange stews... :)

The fear

2005-11-30T08:04:00.000-08:00

After reading Sandra's post about her son's uneasy feeling a few mornings ago, even though his blood sugar was okay, I started thinking about my own reactions to my body. After being diagnosed I listened to everything my body was telling me much much more. This has brought me to the fear.

This isn't just something that happens after a strenuous workout when I'm sweaty and shaking and the possibility of being low is quite possible. No, the fear occurs when I feel off. When I'm walking down the street and for one split moment feel dizzy. Or when I'm at work and I drank too much coffee and am jittery from caffeine. Or (my personal favorite) when I am wearing my glasses and my vision is fuzzy. Oh no! My blood sugar is so messed up right now that my vision is messed up! Oh my god I must be at 20 or 30 or something horrible! Fear! Oh, or that's just a finger print on my lens...

Anything, and I mean anything, out of the norm with my body can turn me into a fearful, irrational person. It's interesting how much has changed. Before being diagnosed I managed to ignore SO many things, especially when I was so so sick before being diagnosed. I can't fathom how I ignored that now.

The aftermath

2005-11-28T13:13:00.000-08:00

I survived Thanksgiving. With 12 people, one turkey, two varieties of potatoes, the best stuffing in the world, fresh rolls, veggies, two pies and many bottles of wine, the day was a success.

My blood sugar before dinner was perfect, about 1.5 hours after it was 60. Oops. Not a problem though since I was ready for some pie & whipped cream. The rest of the evening it was just fine.

I am looking at a crazy busy week coming up. I just got hired at a cooking school part time. I'll be working twice a week after my day job assisting the demo chef with classes. I'm excited about getting to attend all the classes and reap the benefits (knowledge and FOOD!). And after a certain amount of time I get a 40% discount on all the kitchen supplies we sell. Too bad it's not in time for the holidays. :)

Thanksgiving

2005-11-23T07:48:00.000-08:00

This will be my second Thanksgiving not at home with my family. The first was in Flagstaff, Arizona. My brother flew out to visit me that time and spend the four day break with me, so I had at least one member of my family with me. This year he's going with his girlfriend to her family's house in Missouri.

I decided to stay in Chicago since I would have to pay extra for a rental car (being under 25 years old) and have to drive by myself in the worst travel all year. I'm so excited about it! I'm having about 10 friends over tomorrow. I'm in charge of the wine (got it!) and rolls, my good friend Christine is cooking the turkey (at my place) and everyone else is bringing all the extras.

This will be my second Thanksgiving with the 'betes. The only way I changed my behavior last year was to not eat that second piece of pie. But normally I don't eat a huge amount of food on Thanksgiving day, I just eat small amounts all day long. Let's see how I do this year!

Happy Thanksgiving, hope you all are able to spend the holiday with your loved ones and favorite foods. :)

Amazed!

2005-11-21T06:38:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to say that I am amazed with the new Accu-Chek multi-clix that I bought on Friday. After having an extended conversation with the pharmacist at Walgreens(No, I need the MULTI-clix lancets, they're different. Yes, that's the whole point, they have several in the barrel. NO, I can't use the regular lancets in the machine, I need THAT box! *thinking: shouldn't she know more about this than I do?*) I paid my $10, took it home and opened it up.

It's almost like a new toy for me. And I must admit that I was doubtful of those people who were adamant about how it hurts less than the regular lancets. I mean, I can turn my lancet down, so it must be the same. Wow! It's not. I barely feel it and find myself wondering if I actually broke skin. I am just amazed.

So thank you (Sandra!) for posting about your success with this little device. I love it.

Blog Poll

2005-11-15T12:54:00.000-08:00

So I'm a diabetic novice. I've had this for about 1.5 years now and there are a lot of things I haven't had to deal with yet. Ketones for instance. This got me thinking about how I've never been really sick (since diagnosis that is) so haven't had to deal with sick day ketone management.

Here is my question: When do you check for ketones? I have the strips! I just need to know when it's important for me to check. Let me know what you do!

Side Note: I took a massage basics class on Sunday and loved it. I'm going to apply and hopefully start the 15 month program to get certified and licensed in the spring! I'm so excited. :)

The day to post

2005-11-09T06:37:00.000-08:00

As today is the day to post, here I am!

Favorite meter: The one and only meter I've ever owned - One Touch Ultra Smart. It holds all my information and has a larger screen that shows me graphs and averages and all that good stuff. I haven't had any problems with it so far, but I've also heard great things about the FreeStyle Flash.

Favorite pump: Minimed model 512. Again, this is the only pump I've owned. It has no name, although it's been confused for a pager, cell phone and (my favorite) a can of mace. It's not failed me yet.

Favorite Online Support Group: Why, the O.C. of course!

Favorite ID jewelry: My soon to be created custom bracelets! Or in theory they're my favorite. :)

Favorite DIABETIC MOMENT: When I was diagnosed my dad flew out to Arizona immediately (my mom stayed home to work/watch my younger sister). He was in the hospital with me and with me when I was released. The first morning in my house after diagnoses I was on the couch and my dad was in the bathroom looking in the mirror. He said "gah! *sigh* I'm going bald K. It's time I face the truth, I'm going bald." I look up at him with a straight face and say "oh yeah? Well I've got diabetes." We both looked at each other and burst into laughter. I think it was the first time I laughed for real after diagnosis.

Making things pretty

2005-11-08T06:02:00.000-08:00

I have a medical id necklace that I never wear. I know I know, it's really stupid not to wear it, especially since I travel all around Chicago on the bus and L by myself. But that thing is so damn ugly and my limited fashion sense forbids me from wearing it with many of my shirts, so that means it must be REALLY ugly.

That's why I purchased a new bracelet. Currently it has a metal bangle that's pissing me off. Whenever I turn my wrist the thing constricts my movement. I have requisitioned my brother's girlfriend to make me several interchangeable bands to go with it. She makes jewelry sometimes so was pretty excited about it. I've asked for three kinds. 1. Exercise band. 2. Casual, Everyday, Wear to work band. 3. Pretty dress-up band. She most excited about the last one, but I'm just excited to have some options. These things are just so ugly, but very very important. My parents paid for it. It's my Christmas present. I'll have to wrap it up on Christmas eve and be surprised...

This Sunday I'm dropping $110 to attend a one day class at one of the best massage therapy schools in Chicago. It's a basics class for those who are interested in learning the very basics to give massages to their friends/family, and for those who are looking into the 12 or 15 month program. I'm of the later. I'm so excited for this class. Massage therapy is something I've been interested in for many years and I've finally started looking into it seriously. Currently my two concerns are finances (as always) and health insurance. Most massage therapists work as independent contractors and pay for their own health care. Ha ha ha ha ha! I don't see that happening anytime soon. But there are some large spas that provide coverage, as well as massage therapists in hospitals and sports clinics. So there are options... At this point I'm just excited to go to the class and see if it's something I'm really interested in.

2005-11-01T07:06:00.000-08:00

Friend Mark, myself as a Zombie Bridesmaid and my brother as a storm cloud!

2005-11-01T07:02:00.000-08:00

Who said Halloween was just for kids? Not Velma!

Picture

2005-10-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got home from work and found a card in the mail addressed to me. It was from an address I'd never seen before. I opened it and out fell a picture of the most beautiful two year old boy, head full of blonde hair, smiling at the camera holding Rufus the diabetic bear. It was a thank you card from the mother of the boy who was recently diagnosed to whom I'd sent my Rufus stuffed bear to.

Her note was almost unbearable. Read about how much her and her family appreciated the small token of the stuffed animal and reading about how difficult it's been just broke me. Standing in the entry way of my apartment, still wearing my coat and scarf, looking at this beautiful little boy with his medical alert bracelet visible, I just started crying. I've been reading all of these blogs by parents of type 1 kids(Dee, Sandra, Shannon, Martha, along with everyone replying to Kerri's recent request) and then getting this card has just made me so aware of the struggle that the parent have.

This post doesn't have much of a point beyond me wanting to share it with whomever reads this. This disease sucks sucks sucks.

Today

2005-10-24T08:02:00.000-07:00

Today I'm angry.

For three days my blood sugar has been in the 200s more often than not. There are so many variables to check to figure out what's wrong.

Is it the insulin? I was nearing the end of the month. I tossed it and opened the new bottle.

Is it the site? I just changed it on Saturday morning. But I changed it again. Sometimes it's hard to get the right angle in my leg.

Is it the food I've been eating? I was at a wedding this weekend. Long road trip, crappy food all weekend. I ate my regular breakfast today that I always am able to bolus correctly for.

Is it the exercise (or lack their of)? I've been so busy for the past few weeks I haven't made it to the gym. I start again today after work.

Is it my body telling me it just needs more? Honey. Moon? Such a drastic change in a matter of days makes me think this is unlikely. But I just don't want to think about that. It just makes things more difficult.

So today I'm angry. And thirsty. And tired. I'm slowly crossing each variable off my list. I better figure it out soon.

Visit Home

2005-10-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I drove 7 hours with my brother and his girlfriend to visit our family back in Iowa. I normally bring food with me because I have a love/hate relationship with fast food. Fast Food Nation anyone? But those french fries are sooo good. Until I check my blood sugar two hours later. Anyway, this time I didn't bring my dinner so we stopped by a McDonald's. This was a small MDs connected to a gas station and had limited options. No salads. So I get some chicken nuggets and a small fry.

We get home around 11:30 pm (I ate at 9:30). My mom is right at the door and grabs my face in two hands and tells me how great it is to see me. I pull back and scowl at her. I normally have a pretty big personal bubble, but this is something I should have been prepared for. I remember thinking "gah! Leave me alone! I've been in a car for 7 hours and I don't want anyone touching me! What are you thinking!?" Then I sit down, pull out my meter and check in a 270. That does nothing but piss me off. Why did I eat those fries? And why am I so freaking pissed off right now? I then told my family that I had a high blood sugar and was angry and I was going to bed. I check my bs at 2 and it was back to normal.

Then on Sunday I went for a walk with the whole family, 2 year old nephew as well. It wasn't a long walk but about half way through I start thinking I'm feeling weird. But I had just eaten an hour ago. After about five minutes of feeling strange I make the decision to grab my 17 year old sister and make her walk with me straight back home. I get back in a couple minutes, check and am at 50. I correct with food and am fine.

These experiences aren't strange for me. I have highs and lows and they rarely scare me anymore. But I talked to my mom yesterday on the phone and she said she was very worked up over the high and low. Since I wasn't diagnosed until I was 24, my parents haven't ever lived with me to see me in all these situations. This was the first time she's seen me either low or high and she said it really scared her. It strange to think about how little they see or know about my diabetic experiences, but how worried they are over the bit that they see. It makes me wonder how they would react if I ever had to live with them (gah!) and they saw it all the time. I imagine they'd get used to it after awhile. As I have.

The Walk and Sad News

2005-10-07T07:21:00.001-07:00

I went on the walk last Sunday with my brother and my roommate. Our walk site was right on the lake shore and it was a beautiful day for it. Lots of people there, many with matching t-shirts. The walk itself was pretty short (7k) but I enjoyed seeing all those people walking for the same cause, talking the same language. While passing a snack station filled with water, nuts and jelly beans, I over heard a girl talking to her friend.

Girl 1: Oh look! They have sugar free jelly beans! How perfect!

Girl 2: But what if someone goes low?!

It was priceless. Surrounded by all these people with the same thoughts and concerns as myself.

The day after the walk I got an email from my parents. A couple from church have a 2 year old boy that was just diagnosed a week ago. I don't know the family at all but it really hit me hard. When I was diagnosed my doctor gave my name and number to another type 1 in my area (I was in a small town in Arizona at the time) who was my age as well. She stopped by my house shortly after with a gift. It was a stuffed bear named Rufus along with a book about him and type 1 diabetes. It was a child's book but I was really touched. I sent Rufus and my book, along with a note, to my parents' friends for their son. I'm 'healthy' now so I've no need for him, but I imagine that little boy will like him. I also sent a few links to some great blogs by parents of type 1s and recommended they joint a support group asap. I just want to tell them that it'll just get better from here on out. Now they know what is wrong with him and can get him healthy, granted with a lot of hard work. But still, it gets better.

The Walk and Sad News

2005-10-07T07:21:00.000-07:00

Of many unrelated things

2005-09-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

It's starting to get cool, finally. I'm leaving the window wide open at night to let my room get nice and chilly so I can enjoy my big comforter. It's cool enough to bake bread again and not worry about heating up the kitchen. It's cool enough to start my new hobby of brewing beer. I've read through the best home brewing guide around and purchased all my equipment last night. I shall brew on Thursday, with the phone handy to call my friend (and experienced homebrewer) at a moments notice. I'm also planning on re-teaching myself how to knit. I knew how to knit a few years ago but tried to start again recently and realized I can't even start a scarf. Oops. In short, it's time for my fall and winter hobbies, which I love. Have I mentioned autumn is my favorite season?

This Sunday I'll wake up much too early for the weekend but am looking forward to it. I'll be walking with my brother, roommate and a few other friends in the JDRF walk. I'll wear my pump like a little badge of honor. Or perseverance.

I've also met someone that I find very interesting. And he's interested in me. I'd call him the Boy, but seeing as he's 31 it seems a bit false. Seven years age difference? Never done that before. But this is fun. I might like this.

I'll be bringing my camera on the walk with me. If I get a good shot I'll share it on Monday.

Over my goal!

2005-09-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

I've still got two more weeks until the JDRF walk and as of today I've raised $1101 (my goal was $1000). Even more exciting is that I haven't donated yet, nor has my brother and his girlfriend. We are all pooling our money and my brother is donating it all through his company, which will match it all. In the end I will have raised almost $2000, which is way over my original goal of $400! 24 people, the majority of them friends, or even friends of friends, have donated, and everyone has been SO generous.

It's overwhelming really.

an hour of orange juice

2005-09-12T07:13:00.000-07:00

This weekend about 10 of my friends met up at a cabin off on Lake Michigan. It was right off a beautiful beach on the east side of the lake. Friday night we shot off fireworks from the beach and had a bonfire. Saturday we went to a couple wineries for wine tasting, played bocce ball on the beach and swam. Around 9:00 p.m. dinner was ready. One of my friends had made jambalya and rice. I had one serving and it was great. I was still hungry so I ate more.

After dinner we are all giddy from wine and end up dancing around the house like fools. Around 10 I check my blood sugar. I can't figure out why I decided to check it then. I wasn't feeling low and I still had an hour to go before I normally check after eating. 49. shit. shit shit shit. Okay, don't panic. I just need some orange juice. Oh man, I'm going to need a shit ton of orange juice sine I'm at 49 right now and still have one hour or more that my insulin will be dropping my blood sugar. Once I realize this and realize how long it's taken me just from checking my blood sugar to determine this I grab my friend Amy. Amy is a doctor. I tell her I'm having a low and it's going to be an hour until my blood sugar will be stable. I needed someone to know what was going on, just in case. I grab a glass of orange juice (8 oz) and sit on the couch. And we begin the eating/waiting game. After the first glass of oj and 10 minutes later I check my blood sugar. 53. great. more orange juice, 10 minutes later 58. This is a really fun game. I end up drinking another glass of o.j., eating peanuts, half a pita with cheese and when i'm about to get sick from all this crap I've eaten (after two servings of jambalya too) it's been an hour and I'm at 99.

This was the worst experience I've had so far. The whole time I was coming up I felt horrible. Nauseous, tired, angry, scared. Trying to determine, with a foggy, low brain, what I had done to get this drastic of a low. Poor calculation on the dinner and then follow up with dancing. Scared about what would have happened if I hadn't checked. At a cabin in the woods in the middle of no where. The only thing that settled my mind was that I WAS with a doctor, tipsy as she was on wine. About 1.5 hours after the initial low I checked and I was at 132, after all the food I had eaten.

Also, when coming out of my low, in the 80's at this point, my friend Amy noted that I should really carry a glucagon kit around with me all the time. Well yeah, I do! She noted that it doesn't do any good if people don't know where it is. Well, my roommate Emily does (who I'm sitting next to). Emily looks at me with a blank face: No I don't. Gah! It's in my bag! It's always in my bag right next to my meter! In the bag I always carry around, with sugar tabs and a granola bar! It was frustrating to realize that while I've talked to her about all of this before she really doesn't remember. It was a scary realization.

I guess I just got scared. It's a wake up call of sorts. I haven't wanted diabetes to define me, so I didn't talk to all of my friends about what to do. They know I'm diabetic, but I think now they need to know what to do. In the midst of that low I was so confused and angry and I didn't WANT anymore juice. I didn't WANT any pita! While all the lows I've had previous to this I've handled fine on my own, I realize that my friends need to know for the times I can't handle it on my own.

stupid diabetes.

Not enough

2005-09-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

I've donated but I still feel awful and miserable about what's happened in those states. It's devastating on so many levels.

And in the midst of all this my friend and co-worker (pregnant type 1 diabetic on the pump) had her baby this weekend. She was three weeks early but I guess mother and baby are just fine. Her and her husband didn't even have a name picked out for a girl, they just couldn't decide. They'll be deciding pretty fast now. :)

Fool

2005-09-01T06:30:00.000-07:00

I got home from work and checked my blood sugar: 106. I grab the gatorade from the fridge, drink enough to bring me up to 150, change clothes and head to the gym. I get on the bike which I know won't drop my blood sugar as fast or as drastic as the other elliptical machines. I'm on for 25 minutes and then I feel it. Oh shit, I'm dropping fast. I get off the bike and walk out the door. I walk the two blocks to my apartment where I sit on the floor and check my blood sugar: 52. I drink some juice and bring it up just fine, but still.

First off, why didn't I check my blood sugar while at the gym? I had my meter and glucose tabs in my bag. Luckily I made it home okay.

Second: Why did I drop like that? Is my body just not used to physical activity so any amount of it will make me drop fast? I imagine it has something to do with my sedentary life style for the past month or more.

Third: I never, EVER, imagined that I would miss the ability to go workout like crazy. To just go to the gym and burn all that extra energy I had and have a painfully long workout. Back when I was a ND (non-diabetic, thank you!), I never would have considered that to be something I would miss. But I do.

Ah well, I'll do better today. More carbohydrates and more using my brain if I'm low!

'Super Good Job'

2005-08-30T08:19:00.000-07:00

I guess I'm a bit, um, anal retentive. I was so worried about my A1c since I had been having some higher numbers that I failed to look at how I was doing overall. I went to my endocrinologist yesterday. They downloaded my pump and meter and analyzed my numbers while they also took a blood sample to check my A1c. We chatted a bit about the number and then he looked down to see that my A1c was 5.4. Ho. Ly. Crap.

Turns out he thought my numbers were great. I also lost 10 pounds since my last visit which is pretty close to where I want to be. He even wrote, on my evaluation sheet I get at the end that sums up the appointment, “Super Good Job.” That’s right. It’s like I got an A+ from my doctor.

Anyway, now I’m almost embarrassed for how worked up I’ve been lately about how well I’m doing. I guess I’m a perfectionist of sorts, although there are MANY things that I could careless about doing perfectly.

It was great new and hopefully I won’t get horrible news from my Otolaryngologist at today’s appointment.

Cycles

2005-08-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

It all goes in cycles. For several months this summer I was great. Great blood sugar, eating great, perfect weight, great social life etc. The past few weeks I've been letting myself get down. I see it happening, I feel like I can probably snap out of it if I just tried but it seems easier to just wallow in self pity sometimes. That is until I become so annoyed with myself that I finally try to snap out of it. Begin snap out of it phase.

I've been avoiding my blog because I was afraid of the boring, whine-tastic stuff I'd write. If I had been posted I would have talked about:

1. My visit to my general doctor about a constant ringing/popping in my ears accompanied by a headache. This has been going on for a few months now and it seems to be getting worse. My dad has tinnitus (ringing in the ears) but he got it when he was in his 40s, after working in many loud work environments. I figured I had something else, something that could be fixed. I haven't been doing anything to damage my ears. So I go to my doctor and she was horribly rude. Basically told me I would have this for the rest of my life and their is no cure (Thanks Doctor. I know what a chronic disease is.), but she would send me to a specialist. I have an appointment with an ENT (Ear, nose, throat) tomorrow. I also have some sinus/allergy stuff going on which is making everything worse. Needless to say, I wasn't happy after this.

2. My blood sugars haven't been all that great. Have I been slacking off? I didn't think I was slacking off, but what's the deal with these stupid 200s? and why don't I have any willpower? That cake/pie/cookie didn't even taste that great.

3. Exercise, or lack of. I haven't been to my gym in at least 6 weeks. I can't even find my card. What's with that? I'm in a bad mood so I don't go work out? That's the opposite of logical. You KNOW you feel better when you are exercising regularly. Blah blah blah.

4. New Friend. Yeah, the guy? The one who asked for my phone number and said we should hangout sometime soon? We've hung out, as friends. He's now started dating some other girl. I'm sooo good at reading people.

So, that's what I would have gone into way too much detail bitching about. Glad that's done.

This afternoon I have an endocrinologist appointment. I'll get my blood tests and see how I've actually been doing. Tomorrow I have my appointment with the ENT about the ringing in my ears. I hope to NOT have to get an MRI, which my regular doctor said I might need. Wednesday, I start back at my gym. No more excuses. I'll also start back up with the blog. I have almost reached my goal of $1000 for the JDRF walk and just emailed all my rich aunts and uncles today (after raising my goal) in hopes to bring in even more.

Good for now.

2005-08-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

Thanks for your advice. I have slowly been increasing my basal rate and testing my bolus rates to make sure they are correct. I think I have it set (for now) to the perfect rate. What's so great about diabetes is that you can't just 'set it and forget it' because you're always changing, due to honeymooning, hormones, age etc. What fun! :)

What IS fun is getting donations for my walk. I have really great friends. A bunch of my friends are in grad school still but have donated significant amounts of money. It's such a good feeling to be able to raise this money, so hopeful.

And now on to the exciting stuff. I posted a very short paragraph about a cute guy that I was excited to run into at a party in April or May. Nothing happened with him because I seemed to have reverted back to high school mode and just clammed up when he was around. Great way to get to know someone. :) Recently I've just kind of relaxed and was able to be myself since I'd kind of given up on the possibility of dating him. On Friday night I grilling party in my backyard and he showed with some friends. He asked for my number and suggested meeting up after work sometime, since he lives in the neighborhood I work in. I was so shocked I think my jaw may have visibly dropped for a moment. It was just so out of the blue! Anyway, now I get to enjoy the fun part of waiting for a call, so I figured I share it with all of you so you can wait with me. :)

End of the Honeymoon?

2005-08-10T12:06:00.000-07:00

I'm curious, for those of you that remember, what the end of the honeymoon period is like. Is it sudden, like within a few days/weeks? Or is it drawn out over months? I ask because for the past few weeks I've been having some highs. Nothing drastic, but 2 hours after eating, when I am eating the same thing that I always do and normally bring it right back down to 100 or so, it's 150. So I correct and then it's back to 100 in two more hours.

I'm playing with my basal rate which previously was so low that I had a basal rate of 0 from 8am to 8pm. I've had to increase the basal during the night time as well since I've been waking up a bit higher than normal.

I just get so nervous when I change my rates. I hate the lows but I do like to keep tight control.

Any ideas/tips would be welcome. I got see my endocrinologist at the end of the month so I'll talk to him about it too.

It's time

2005-08-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

Since being diagnosed I've been wrapped up in my own care that I haven't done a thing to help The Cause. So I've decided it's time. I've signed up to walk the Ron Santo Walk to Cure Diabetes. I didn't want to walk alone so I asked my brother and roommate if they'd join me. They both plan on signing up as well. My brother's excited because he gets to pay back all those co-workers of his who always are asking him for money for various fund raisers for their kids. :)

While signing up it asks you for a goal amount to raise. The site said most people do $100. What? Only $100!? That made me nervous about raising money. Maybe it's really hard? I haven't done this sort of thing since doing a Dance Marathon in college ('dance' or stay on your feet for 24 hours and raise tons of money for kids with cancer). I think I raised most of my money through the company I interned with in the summer. Anyway, I put a goal of $400 but hope to raise much more than that.

What I'm nervous about is that I'll be using myself to guilt people into donation essentially. Or at least that's how I see it now.

Co-worker A: Hi Tekakwitha. How's it going?
Me: Oh, it's great. But it sure would be better if I didn't have this damn diabetes! How about you give me money so others can find a cure for me!
Co-worker A: ummmm...

Okay, so that's not how I'm going to do it. And it's actually not how I feel about it. I don't want to feel like I'm doing this for myself. I want people to know that I'm doing this for others. "I'm doing it for the children!" is what I'd like to say. But that's way cheesy. Reading Shannon, Martha & Sandra's blogs about their experience as mothers of young diabetics has really moved me. These kids are SO strong and seem to be dealing with this burden with great attitudes (and parents!). But they shouldn't have to!

Anyway, the walk is in October and I just sent out my first 'donate please' email. I also plan on donating a big chunk of paycheck myself. I'm excited about the walk too, not just raising money for The Cause. To be surrounded by people and their families that are affected by diabetes will be quite an experience I think.

Pretty little white oval

2005-08-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

It was a successful trip to California! My friends got married, I got to see the ocean and spend five days away from the office. But by Sunday night, after laying on the beach for only 1 hour, the painful burns on my legs made my desire to get back to the Midwest even stronger. See, my top have gets sun all the time, but my white thighs? Nope. It was a special walk through the airport, attempting to walk and hold the front of my pants away from my burnt thighs.

The best part is that I had my infusion site on my leg and now I have a perfect little white oval on my leg.

My blood sugars were surprisingly pretty good throughout my trip, even though my eating times were different as was my diet. The only time I had big problems was on the flight home. My blood sugar was 94, I ate a muffin, took the 'correct' amount of insulin and two hours later was at 233. Oh, that sucks. I take a correction and two hours later am at 215. Huh, that still sucks. I then ate lunch and finally got my blood sugar back down to 110 two hours after. Stupid muffin.

California!

2005-07-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

I leave on Wednesday to fly to California for my friends' wedding and a little vacation for me. I tried my bridesmaid dress on last night to make sure it would still fit (I've lost 10 pounds since I changed my eating habits). It was a bit tight before I lost the weight and now it fits perfectly. I bought some of that fake tan lotion to try to get rid of the bright white stripes on my shoulders from wearing spaghetti straps. I'll look foolish in the strapless dress if I don't make them go away!

I got a new one-piece, brown halter top swim suit from J.Crew. I really like it and think it will be great for the beach in California! I most excited about seeing my friends, and helping them get married. This will be the fourth wedding I've been a bridesmaid in in 2 years. My sister's wedding, my best friend from high school's wedding (in the same church and hall as my sister, which created a lot of deja vu), a good friend from college and now my college roommate (four years together and we never fought. amazing!). Her and her fiance are wonderfully laid back and I think their wedding will be the same. We get to wear flip flops with our dresses!

I fly out on Wednesday. Tonight I'll go home and try to figure out what I need and how I'll pack it all. Insulin, bridesmaid dress, infusion sets + extras, swimsuit, test strips, wedding presents, doctors' numbers, dress rehearsal outfit, camera batteries, meter batteries... I feel like I have double the amount of things to worry about. I think I'm going to make a list at work today so that I can calm my unnecessarily nervous nerves. I've traveled before with my pump and supplies, but I get nervous every time. Will they stop me going through security? Will they know what an insulin pump is? Or will I just go through like any other normal person and not have a problem. And then the fun of checking your blood sugar on a plan. I've done it two ways in the past. Once I just hid what I was doing with my bag and the person next to me was asleep, so they didn't care/notice. But the second time the person was awake. It was a little ol' lady and I just said "Miss, I just wanted to let you know that I need to check my blood sugar, that won't bother you right?" and it didn't. I know that I could easily hide what I'm doing so people don't become alarmed by the site of blood, but people are nervous about someone hiding what they are doing on planes...

So while I'm nervous, I've done this before and haven't forgotten anything too important in the past. I'm 80% excited, 20% nervous. I can't wait for Wednesday.

No, I'm not texting my friends.

2005-07-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

I went on date number two last night. Again it was... fine. Very nice guy, there's just not that spark or chemistry or whatever you call it. Anyway, on to the diabetic related portion of my evening.

We are seated (Thai restaurant, so good) and order. She brings out our appetizer. I tested minutes before in the bathroom so all I have to do is enter it into my meter. I try to be fast about it, and I am. But when you are on a date and your date starts looking down at something, you hear electronic beeps etc, you get confused. Is she sending her friends a text message right now?! How rude! I just ignore his slight confusion and start eating our yummy appetizer. Then the entrees come. Okay, time to just tell him so he doesn't think I'm being horrible.

"yeah, so, just so you know that I'm not texting my friends or anything... I'm a type 1 diabetic and I have to take insulin when I eat, so I'm using my insulin pump to do that, not my phone." I just wanted to let him know what I was doing, didn't really want to get into it, especially since I realized I probably wasn't going to go on another date with him. It never happens like that though! He confesses he has no idea what type 1 is etc. I give him my ridiculously short explanation of what type 1 vs type 2 is. I think we're fine to go on to other topics now. I think I've made it through without turning the date into a teacher/student education on diabetes. That is, until he said "well, I better be careful about that, especially since I'm a pastry chef and eat so many sweets." doh! no no no. Now I'm completely out of date mode and into educate the non-diabetic mode. Don't worry Mr. Pastry Chef, you won't get diabetes because you eat a lot of sweets. No one gets diabetes because of that. I didn't eat a lot of sweets when I was a child... blah blah blah.

At the end of dinner he says he brought me a gift. Chocolate raspberry jam. Homemade. I wave good-bye and start walking home. I just have to find a place to hide the jam so my roommates don't eat too much and *gasp* get the 'betes too!

P.S. I tasted the jam and I could eat it by the spoonful. So good! I think I'm going to keep it around to use for when I'm having lows. Perfectly full of sugar!

Thigh infusion site & absorption rate

2005-07-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

Alright, so this is the second time I've used my thighs as an infusion site and I'm having some problems with the rate the insulin is absorbed. Normally, with the site at my stomach, I have no problem getting an in range number 2 hours later. After breakfast it's usually 90-120. The past two days it's been 170 or so, and then an hour or two later I am dropping to 90 or so.

Is there anyway I can program my pump differently (square or dual wave) so that I don't have to have that high? I don't use these functions much so am not sure how I'd use them. Any advice would be appreciated. I really like having the site in my thigh but if I can't get it to perform as well I'll have to just use my abdomen.

Oh, could I be putting the catheter in at a bad/wrong angle? (too deep or not deep enough)It's harder to see the angle I'm putting it in at.

Thanks

Pistachio ice cream

2005-07-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to give you all an update on my date last night. I met up with the Pastry Chef at a local bar for drinks. We had a very nice, fine night. Just had a couple drinks and talked for a few hours. He's very talkative and attractive.

I think we talked about sweets for a good half hour. We talked about his favorite to make and eat, as well as mine. I was almost drooling on the table. I've been doing such a good job and not eating many sweet since starting on the South Beach thing. But if he brings me pastries as a gift for our next date, I won't pass them up!

Ah, so there will be a next date. Maybe an Indian restaurant and simosas for dessert. :) Diabetes didn't come up last night. I imagine it will soon though. Indian food tends to be tricky for me to figure out, carbohydrate wise.

So I'll see how the next date goes. There wasn't any earth shattering chemistry or anything, but we certainly weren't repulsed by each other. And you don't need chemistry to have a nice time with a new person eating good food! Onward, to the pastries!

First Date

2005-07-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

I'm going on a first date with the Pastry Chef tomorrow. We met through friends a while ago at a party and just recently have been emailing. So even though we have technically met before, there is still a lot we don't know about each other.

We are meeting at a low-key bar that's described as 'cozy' and has lots of nice beer and board games to play. Sounds perfect to me. I actually am glad we aren't going out to dinner first (although I will eat before hand, a Newcastle on an empty stomach is a BAD idea!). Without dinner I won't have to take several trips to the bathroom to check my blood sugar, program my pump etc. There's always the other option of doing that all at the table, which I normally do. But I don't want to bring all that diabetes talk to the first date. I'd rather get to know the fun stuff about each other on the first date. I'd rather him discover my sarcastic sense of humor as opposed to the fact that my body is attacking itself. And if I have it my way, on this first date, he won't. (don't read that as "he won't learn of it because I'll just ignore my diabetes for the night", read it as "he won't learn of it because I'll be able to be more discrete having just drinks.")

That precious part of myself will come out soon though, if there is a second or third date. It's not something I like to hide, or am accustom to hiding. It also makes me worry a little more if the person I'm with doesn't know.

Now I just have to figure out what to wear. :)

Willpower?

2005-07-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

I've met a nice guy that I'm just in the beginning stages of getting to know. He's tall and lean, has big hair, a few years older than I am, finished with college.

Wow! This guy sounds great huh? Guess what he does for a living? He is a pastry chef. Yes, a pastry chef in a big fancy hotel downtown. A little over a year ago this would be fantastic! A Pastry Chef!

I just have to laugh. I'm really going to have to work on my willpower.

Crazy old Greek Neighbors

2005-07-08T07:11:00.000-07:00

This morning, while drinking my coffee on my porch, I look down into my neighbors yard to see a string hanging down from another string (it's in the garden, used to grow peas and vine plants) with something moving at the bottom. I look closer and see that there is a bird, tied at the feet, hanging upside down trying to stand on one of the horizontal strings. Occationally it got tired and just hung there, upside down. I yell for my roommate to come see this, to make sure I'm not crazy. Yep, she sees it too.

I go back inside and get all my stuff for work together, grab my lunch, brush my teeth, and head out the back door. I walk across the lawn to the fence. I see the old Greek neighbor (I've had encounters with the lady before, but never the man). He is sitting in a chair, staring at the bird. I ask him what he's doing to the bird. He replies that the birds eat the flowers off his cucumber plants. He catches them and hangs them upside down for a half hour, then lets them go.

First off, what in the hell is this man talking about? Torturing a bird keeps it away from your garden? Secondly, if this bird actually does stay away for a time, what's to keep all the other birds away? You have a huge garden that attracts birds. It's an endless battle.

Okay. So I tell him that I don't think that it's humane and he should probably untie the bird. He said that the bird was fine. I become a little more assertive and tell him that he's basically torturing the bird and it's disgusting and if I see him hanging birds upside down on strings anymore I may have to call someone about it. (um, who will I call? This may be an empty threat.) He gets up and unties the bird. I leave with a kurt 'have a good morning'. and walk to my bus.

This whole experience was just bizarre.

Focusing on the pump

2005-07-06T06:41:00.000-07:00

I arrived at the focus group yesterday to realize that it was a one on one interview, as opposed to a group. So I sat down with this man who obviously does focus groups for a living and doesn't have a very firm grip on diabetes and insulin pumps. Be he started explaining (reading from the script) that he would be showing me a new insulin pump, asking me how I felt about it and showing me how to use it.

It's very similar to the pump that Amy talked about on diabetesmine.com. It's small pump that holds the insulin and connects right on your skin (no tubing). It is controlled by a handheld BG monitor/pump computer. I think that was my favorite part. Everything was very interesting and impressive, but it was hard for me to imagine wearing something that size (even though it is small) on my body. I guess people getting on the pump have that issue with the tubing as well. I just imagine myself having a lot of annoyance with finding shirts to wear and making it comfortable.

I finished up the interview in 90 minutes and gave all my worldly opinions and then he gave me $100. Yes, thank you, I'll do your focus groups anytime! One thing that annoyed me was that I couldn't figure out what brand it was. I know they do that on purpose, but I tried to find it online today and haven't found it yet. It's not the exact same one that Amy has linked to. Pretty cool stuff they are creating though. I can't imagine I'll be buying a new pump anytime soon though. I need to pay this one off first...

New Site

2005-07-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Since starting on the pump I've only used my abdomen. I rotate and move it around each time I switch sites, but I started worrying about scars. So the other day I decided (with some encouragement from Kerri) to try my thigh as a site.

While I usually don't have any pain with my stomach, I had NO pain inserting the infusion set in my leg. I've worn it for three days at that spot and it's worked out fine. I think I'll like this site better in the summer. I think it will work much better with my summer clothes. :)

I go to my focus group tonight. I'll have to report about it tomorrow. Not quite sure yet what I'll be 'focusing' on.

Update on my garden: I have two tiny tomato plants that look like little bushes. They produce the cutest little cherry tomatoes and I ate a few the other day. Fabulous! For some reason produce that comes from your own garden just tastes so much better!

Focus Group

2005-06-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

I'm in a friend's wedding this summer in California and I'm trying to save some money for the trip. Unfortunately I tend to spend more money during the summer months than during the winter months. So in my effort to save money for this trip, I've decided to look into making some extra cash by signing up for focus groups.

The first one I did was for self-soaping razors. This was so fun and easy. Two weeks for two different razors, fill out two surveys and make $75. No problem. Yesterday I got called for another focus group. This one is for type 1 diabetics who are on the pumps. Most focus groups on diabetes I've talked to are looking for either type 2 diabetics or don't know what to do about the fact that I'm on a pump, so this is perfect. I'm not exactly clear what we'll be discussing, but I'm not worried. Oddly I'm kind of excited about it. It will be nice to meet with other people in the same situation and talk about our experiences with the pump. Granted, our conversation will be steered towards what the focus group is about, but still.

Not much else to say on the diabetes front. My blood sugars have been pretty level with few lows so I'll be excited to see what my A1c is at my next visit to the doctor.

I've been busy the past few weeks. My older sister was in town visiting last weekend. We went shopping downtown, had lunch at a nice restaurant and then got our nails done. It was a very girlie day but I hardly ever do those things so it was fun. She got to relax away from her son and was surprised that she wasn't worrying the whole time about him. By Sunday she was very ready to go home and see him though. A nice break for her I think. Then this past week has been very spontaneous. I was at work late on Tuesday and walked by a theater my friend was volunteering at. I stopped to say hi and got sucked in to watch the show, which was wonderful. Wednesday I got to work and at 10 my co-worker told me our chief of staff had just given her 4 tickets to a 1:00pm Sox game that day and could I go? Um yes! So I spent the afternoon sitting in the sun enjoying a beer, a hot dog and great baseball.

This weekend I have big plans of weeding my garden. We have an old Greek woman who lives next door and whenever she sees me she tells me how to improve my garden. It's to the point where she wants to come over and weed it for me. Okay lady. I get the idea. You don't like to see my bad gardening skills. Look the other way! Ah!

A little hot, a little high

2005-06-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

I've been on the pump for a year now. Last summer I was at 7,000 feet in Arizona and never had to worry about leaving my open bottle of insulin out. I'd put it in the cupboard and it was fine. Temperatures in shade never went above 75 I think.

Anyway, while I know that insulin should be kept cool and in the fridge, I guess I forgot about it when it started to get really warm here. For several days my blood sugars were getting just a little high, day by day. Just last night I had one of those *doh* moments and realized that it's been HOT here and I've just been leaving my insulin on my dresser! I threw the half empty bottle away and changed sites (it was time anyway) with a new bottle from the fridge. Silly me, forgetting the basics of insulin storage. Sometimes it feels like I have been doing this forever, that I could check my blood sugar in my sleep. And then I do something stupid like this and realize that there's always more to learn and things to remember.

Has anyone had any problems with the pump and summer heat? I wonder about that since the insulin is getting body heat & heat from the sun/air. Any tips or advice?

On a different note, I am not ashamed to say that I love Harry Potter. I read the five books about 3-4 years ago (can't remember when the last one came out). I decided to borrow all the books from my sister and reread them before the new book comes out. I've been devouring them! They are just so fun to read and I fly through a book in a day or two. My roommate told me last night that I needed to 'stop obsessing over Harry and listen to me!' while I was reading. I'm almost done with the fifth book and plan on going to the library to find a nice nonfiction to sink my teeth into to get some of this wizard world out of my head. :)

54, do you need a snack?

2005-06-09T12:43:00.000-07:00

On my commute home yesterday, while sitting on the bus reading, I noticed something. Hm, am I starting to sweat? I think I'm sitting under a vent as well, so I should feel fine... Are my hands starting to tingle? Oh! I should check my blood sugar.

It's then that I realize how long it's been since I've last had any noticeable lows (below 70 is when I feel it). Wow, how long has it been? Three weeks. Three Weeks!

I check my blood sugar on the bus and see I'm at 54, with my meter asking me if I need a snack. I pull out a couple glucose tabs and am fine by the time the bus gets to my stop.

I attribute my success at not having very many lows to my new way of eating. I had the most problems at around 3:30-4 in the afternoon before I cut down on my carb intake. Before, I would check at noon and eat 40 carbs (sandwich) and take four units of insulin. Three hours later my blood sugar would be 150 or 160 (not that great). But if I tried to bolus to correct, even the smallest amount, in 2 hours I would drop hard to the 40s or 50s. Since I switched to my new way of eating I've been having salads or veggies & hummus for lunch, cutting way back on carb intake over lunchtime. I would still eat good carbs for breakfast and dinner though. Anyway, yesterday I was forced to eat cereal for lunch do to my budget and laziness. and then BAM! I get a low. So, apparently my body just does not LIKE that insulin over lunch.

What really matters is that I've found a way to prevent these late afternoon lows (besides eating a snack then, of course), which is good!

It's the humidity

2005-06-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

I don't like summer. I mostly don't like summer due to the fact that if it's humid to any degree, I will start sweating. Ick. When I lived in Arizona, in the mountains, it was perfect. 80 degrees was the hottest it would get and with a very low humidity. That was perfect. But I'm certainly not in Arizona anymore. Early June and it's going to be over 90 degrees with up to 70% humidity. Again, ick.

I get intense cravings for fruit during the summer though. I could eat melon, berries and peaches along with fresh ripe tomatoes for every meal when it's hot and humid. What else do people eat in the summer anyway? I'm certainly not going to turn on my oven and make anything. Even using the stove is questionable. And obviously anything grilled is perfect, but it takes a while to get that grill going and you still have to stand around a hot fire!

This will be my first Midwest summer with diabetes/my pump. I wear it in a black case which I'm afraid will heat up pretty fast. I normally don't have time to spend all day outside in the hot sun (stupid full-time office job!), but I imagine I'll be doing that a lot on the weekends.

I am also already thinking about a vacation to southern California I'm taking this summer for my friend's wedding. I'll have to buy a new swimsuit since my old ones are bikinis and I just don't feel comfortable showing of my dotted stomach and my little insert to everyone. So I'll have to go shopping for a one piece. My main worry is really about what I'll do with my pump when I want to run into the ocean. Do I leave it on the beach in my bag? Nope, too expensive to leave all alone. Do I make my friend stay with it while I'm in the water? Do I leave it in a locked car, or will it get too hot in there? Hopefully I'll have enough people with me that someone will sit with it. But seriously, I'm not going until the end of July and I'm already worrying about something like that?

Winter's so much easier. I love coats and hats and scarves. Jeans and sweaters. Just a couple more months...

The Blue Skirt

2005-06-06T13:12:00.000-07:00

Every spring, once it gets too warm to need my sweaters and warm enough to need my tank tops, (vice a versa in the fall) I pull out my Rubbermaid tub full of off season clothes and switch everything out. I finally got around to it this weekend. While pulling out tank tops I remembered that I also kept some other things in this tub. I came across the clothes that I just won't get rid of. Sure, I don't fit into them anymore, but of course I'll fit into them again sometime soon. I've been eating really well and cycling/lifting weights at my gym, so I thought, hey, might as well try. I have not been weighing myself lately. It's discouraging to see that number when it's not where you'd like it to be, even though you feel great and think you are losing weight.

Ah, I do have a point. I have a blue skirt that my sister bought me a few years ago. It's a sky blue, pencil skirt. I tried it on. It fit. As I leaped about my room in my sky blue skirt that fit, I realized that the skirt's not really in style anymore. It's not hideous, but no one will mistake it for something new. I don't really care. I'll be wearing it tomorrow anyway. :)

Busy!

2005-05-31T09:36:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy this past week! I was at camp on Wednesday and realized how much I enjoy being outside doing physical labor. I shoveled mulch, water proofed a dock, and tilled a big garden. I also ate the best meals, let alone camp meals. Everything was homemade and laden with everything I shouldn't be eating. When the director told me how much butter was in the mashed potatoes (ooo, that's not really a part of the south beach diet is it?!) I just laughed and said "well, it's good I don't eat like this everyday!" On the drive back into the city that night I started to realize how hard I'd worked... I ached for several days. Who knew about those forearm muscles!

I also went home this weekend and stayed with my sister. I got to wake up at 6:30 every morning to the sounds of my nephew, Sage, happily running through the house. I bought him a tray of brightly colored blocks (I remember playing with blocks just like them as a kid) to play with. He liked it when I stacked them up and he could kick them down and yell 'ka-boom!' I think I took about 50 pictures of him this weekend.

I got back Sunday night and yesterday my roommates and I grilled in the backyard with friends. I diligently applied sunscreen but somehow managed to miss my entire left arm (I did get the shoulder though). So now I have one red arm that stops right below my shoulder. Classy.

I've been happy with how my blood sugar has been throughout this all. It's always a challenge to travel, eating food you don't normally eat, or trying to find something, anything to eat while driving. I hate fast food (I recommend reading Fast Food Nation) so I tried to bring a bunch of food with me this time. It worked pretty well. I still had a couple spikes in my blood sugar into the low 200's after a couple strange meals, but was pretty good overall.

Kerri- Here is a top five list for your game:

Top five bands that are currently getting the most play on my iPod:
1. The Decemberists
2. Andrew Bird
3. Iron and Wine
4. The Hold Steady
5. Mountain Goats

Top five things that may lead people to believe I'm a bit crazy:
1. I don't really like ice cream.
2. Personal Bubble: If someone, anyone, touches me without me knowing they are going to, I flinch. Not just a little flinch, a BIG, shrinking away flinch accompanied by an angry glare. I blame this on my brother for snapping towels at me when we were growing up.
3. Frozen Liver Sticks: My mom used to feed these to my siblings and I when we were growing up. She claimed it helped with teething. When I tell people this they are so disgusted they think I'm lying. I never eat liver anymore.
4. I like going to the dentist because I love how clean my teeth feel afterwards.
5. I was in marching band in high school and really really liked it. I played the trumpet.

Most recent movie I've loved: Motorcycle Diaries
Most recent book I've loved: assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell. (And anything by Augusten Burroughs!) Any book I read that's been written by her or David Sedaris, I can't help but read with their voices (in my head of course). I saw David Sedaris speak in Iowa City a few years ago and loved his voice.

Ah! That's it for now! I like that game!

Pleasant Surprise

2005-05-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

I went to my gym on Friday after work to do some weight training. I haven't weighed myself since my last doctor visit about 3 weeks ago. I weighed 150, the top of my ideal weight. I decided to find out how well my revised South Beach diet was working. After two weeks of eating far less carbohydrates, but still eating fruit and some whole grains everyday, I had lost 5 pounds! After about a year of not being able to drop a pound, it's pretty exciting. What's really great is that I have only had a couple lows (60s) in the past two weeks, where as before I was having a low almost once a day.

This week will go by fast at work. Tomorrow I get to go to camp! The nonprofit I work for owns and runs a camp in Wisconsin and twice a year we get to go out and help prepare it for the summer. Nothing like cheap labor! But it should be a good break from sitting at the computer all day. Then after work on Thursday I'll be driving home to visit my family. I get to see my nephew/god son, which I'm so excited about! He's 17 months old and has more energy than any child I've ever seen. My sister told me that yesterday, while visiting my mom and dad, he just ran around the block, over and over. I guess I won't have to worry about missing my workout next weekend. :)

After the fact

2005-05-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

I just read Sandra's post about deciding on a pump for her son Joseph. It made me think about all the things that came after I'd made the decision to pump. The little things that I'd never even thought about before I had started using it.

Let me list a few that I've encountered so far:

- Shirts & Pants: I never thought about how clipping the pump onto my pants would actually affect what clothes I bought. Shirts lay funny. Do I buy a big shirt that covers it? Or do I figure out how to tuck the back part of my shirt behind the pump? Do I have to wear a belt all the time? Because when I don't some of my pants didn't have sturdy enough waists to hold the pump up, dragging them down a bit too far.

- People's response to it: Okay, I did think about this before hand. I figured people would see this thing, and see a tube coming out of it and immediately ask questions. Turns out NO person that I've met has asked me what it is. Nope, they all think I'm some big nerd that thinks she's important enough to wear a gigantic pager. At a party a while back, I had a guy grab onto it and say "what's the deal with the pager!?". I was so shocked that someone actually had the nerve to touch it! Don't you know how important this is to me! You can NOT touch that! Oh, wait. You have no idea what this is. I told him and he was really embarrassed.

- Obstacle: People usually know how big their body is. They can determine whether or not they can squeeze through a shelf and, let's say, a shopping cart. Oh! Not anymore! While my body can fit, you can be sure that I'll forget about my pump and end up knocking things off the shelf or getting stuck on the cart. That happened to me again yesterday.

- Dating: Okay, I'm lying again. I thought about this. But I thought in terms of serious, long term relationships. Of course when I get into a serious relationship I will tell my partner all about it! He'll be so wonderful and understanding! But, until that happens, I'll date. Because that apparently comes before the long term relationship. Go figure. So how do I introduce this fact? How do I explain diabetes and my pump? I dated a guy for a short time this fall, and as we started to get intimate one night, I asked him if my insertion site was going to bother him at all, explaining that I will detach the pump. He was fine with it asking only for reassurance that it 'wouldn't fall out or anything'. No no. It won't fall out.

It's such a special little pump. I still like it despite all these faults.

Nice Guy

2005-05-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

We had some friends over last night for some drinks. One of my friends, Mike, is a type 1 and on the pump. He was diagnosed at age 6 and is now 25 I believe. When I was diagnosed my brother sent me his email (I didn't know him at the time). So we corresponded a little bit before I moved back to the Midwest. The first time I met him in person, he comes up to me and starts patting around my waist, finally landing his hand on my pump. Besides being shocked (I have a pretty big personal bubble), it really made me laugh and somehow feel included. Mike knew exactly where it was. He knew exactly what it was. That was so comforting.

Anyway, last night he apologized for not being able to hang out with us the past weekend. His parent's friends just found out that their young son (11ish I think)is a type 1 and Mike's parents offered to have him come over and have a 'diabetic dinner' together. So Mike was busy on a Friday night having a healthy dinner with a scared 11 year old, trying to show him that things would be fine. He's such a sweet guy.

What's strange when I hang out with him is that I hear his pump. The variety of beeps that my pump produces are ingrained in my head to make me react. *beep BEEP beep* Always brings me to attention. So to hear that noise when I'm not doing anything with my pump makes me nervous. And I always have to check to make sure it's not low battery/resevoir, pump failure etc. And then we smile in acknowledgement that we are the only two people in the room to even notice that noise, let alone react so immediately to it.

An off topic Friday post

2005-05-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

There are just so many things happening in my life that sometimes days pass and I don't think about my diabetes too much. I do the basics: check the blood sugar, exercise, bolus etc. But it sometimes just blends right into my regular life and I almost forget about it.

This past week I had several things happen that are keeping my mind busy. I spoke to an old high school friend that I'm close with. Her husband is a police officer and is now fully trained as a sniper. Yes, he will get called out to perch on rooftops with his sniper gun aimed precisely. I know both her and her husband well, since we were children, and this terrifies me. I can't imagine how she feels.

I found out yesterday that my boss will be hiring a new employee in our department. I share a room with my boss, but it has three desks. So soon we'll have one more person. Oh how I wish I could sit in on the interviews and judge them based purely on personality! I sound awful, but I will have to deal with this person everyday so I'm crossing my fingers that my boss hires someone I will be able to tolerate. And it's exciting, because maybe I'll really like and enjoy their company. I'm crossing my fingers.

My brother's good friend from college just got engaged last night. Now his two closest friends are or will soon be married. My brother has been dating his girlfriend over about 1.5 years. Will this lead him to think about marriage? Is he already thinking about it? Will he end up moving in with his girlfriend soon? I enjoy living with my brother and having him in the city. He's a great friend too me and while I like his girlfriend, I know how much things will change once he moves out/gets engaged/gets married.

And to bring this all down to a trivial level, I'm excited about going to a party this weekend. I know that a really cute guy, who I have only spoken with briefly a couple times, will be there. I haven't been interested in anyone for months now, so it's exciting to think about. Will we having anything to talk about? Is he even remotely interested in me? Do I have any cute clothes to wear? Will he notice my pump? How on earth does one bring up their diabetes in a new relationship? Will I end up going into my explaining mode and ruin any chemistry? And then I think that if someone is turned off by my diabetes, I certainly will loose any interest in that person. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Will he even remember my name?

Fabulous numbers

2005-05-11T08:08:00.000-07:00

So it's only been since Monday morning that I've been eating in the 'south beach' way. (I hate using the word diet. ) I haven't weighed myself, and I don't care too terribly much. But what I have noticed is that my blood sugars are fabulous. I haven't gone over 135, but most importantly I haven't gone below 75. My random, afternoon lows that I get if I don't eat something around 3:30 have not happened. It's almost ridiculous how inline I have been. I haven't been strictly following the phase 1 or phase 2. It's kind of a mix. I still have some fruit and a bit of whole grains, but I'm surprised by how full I am after my lunch of veggies and hummus. Anyway, my level blood sugar was something I wasn't quite expecting, or wasn't expecting to this extreme. But I don't mind!

I was reading some interesting things on the Joslin site yesterday. I wanted to find out how likely it is that my siblings could get diagnosed with type 1, or my nephew, or my children(if and when I have any!). My two sisters and one brother have a 1 in 10 chance, since they have the same genes that I do. I found out that women are less likely to pass type 1 on to their children than men. More specifically : "On the other hand, if the mother has type 1 and is age 25 or younger when the child is born, the risk is reduced to 1 in 25 (4 percent) and if the mother is over age 25, the risk drops to 1 in 100 virtually the same as the average American." I sent this information on to my parents and, of course, my mom's reply was "So glad to hear that a future-prospective-grandchild has such good odds." She's so cute when she's not driving me crazy. :)

Well, it's raining outside, which means the kickball team I play on that has games on Wednesday night will probably be cancelled. This means everyone will end up just meeting at the bar we go to. I'll have to start convincing myself now that I really don't want to order the $1.50 special of a hamburger and french fries. mmm. French Fries... (ps. yes, I am 24 and play on an adult kickball team! It's so much fun attempting to throw and kick a big, bouncy red rubber ball!)

Lovely Doctor

2005-05-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

As I was getting home from work on Friday I got a call on my cell phone from a number I didn't recognize. I answered and it was my endocrinologist calling with my lab results. (First off, let me just say how impressed I am that my doctor makes personal phone calls to his patients!) He said my a1c is 5.7 (last time it was 5.6). He also said that my c-peptide was 1.5, which isn't good enough to go off insulin and just take oral medication, but is still better than a diabetic who is out of the honeymoon phase. Again, I need to read up on this so I understand it better. All in all it was good news.

I think I'm going to try out my own version of the South Beach diet. I've read a little bit about it and the first two weeks you are supposed to eat no carbohydrates. Um, I don't think I can do that! But I can definitely cut down on excess carbohydrates. I won't cut out fruit though. Makes no sense to me that the fresh pinneapple I bought this weekend could in some way make me gain weight. I have a co-worker that's going to let me borrow her book so I can read through it and see what I think will work for me. I won't get dramatic results, but hopefully I can devise a diet that is healthy and also allows me to drop about 10 pounds.

I got a message from Violet from Pumplandia (i'll add you to my links today!) about going over the glucagon shot with my roommates. I live with my 27 year old brother and a friend of his from college. I've sat down with both of them and shown them the glucagon kit. I've made an emergency note that's posted on our bulliten board that goes through what to do if I start acting really bizarre. It's really reasuring to know that it's my brother that would be there in the event that I needed help. When we are out during the weekend he is always there to pester me with 'have you checked your blood sugar lately?' or to crack a joke about my 'gear'. So, as far as feeling comfortable with my roommates and their knowledge about what to do, I feel pretty good.

Snack cookie

2005-05-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

Here is the recipe for those cookies that I had mentioned.

12 Tbsp (3/4 cup) peanut butter
3 Tbsp honey
1/4 cup cornstarch
2 cups cornflakes

Mix peanut butter, honey and cornstarch.

Form into balls, about 1 Tbsp size and roll in crushed cornflakes.

Flatten balls with a tumbler and chill

Quantity 1 dozen
Serving size 1 cookie - 13 grams carbohydrates
4 grams of protein
8 grams of fat

Nervous visit

2005-05-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

I went to my appointment yesterday and came out feeling nervous. My doctor and I went over my meter print out and I guess I'm having too many lows. Everything else is in line but he's worried, since I'm on such a small amount of insulin, that I could go too low quite easily. He pointed out some lows on the chart and asked if I had experienced any seizures with them. Um, no. You would have heard from me if I had. It's strange to me to think about all these really important things that I just have no idea about, or haven't even had time to think about over the past year. I asked how low you having to be to have a seizure. I'm thinking in the 30s or lower. He said 50. Oh.

In the past year I have been in the 40's two times. I've been in the 50s and 60's a bunch (mostly 60s though). Looking back at this I freaked myself out. I started doubting how well I was actually doing this. Do my roommates really know what to do if I have a low that I can't figure out how to fix on my own? Does my boss know what to do if she walks into my office and I'm having a seizure? What happens when I start noticing the lows less and less? I usually catch them pretty fast now, but the more lows I have the less I notice them.

I guess that was the biggest thing from the appointment, although we also talked about how I can loose some weight. I've been at a steady 150 for the past year, gaining weight back and then some after being diagnosed. I work out 3-4 times a week, cardio and weight training. He said that I'm probably 'feeding' my insulin since I tend to have lows after working out. So he said I should look into a lower carbohydrate diet. South Beach diet to be exact. I can't fathom doing with with a super low carbohydrate diet but I've heard that the South Beach diet is more reasonable and healthy. I don't know much about it. My initial problem is that I really like lots of fruit (oranges! bananas!) and bread/pasta (I'm still eating my homemade bread... It's still so good!). I have started buying the whole grain pasta which I think is good and very filling with a smaller amount. It is just annoying that I have really healthy eating habits (or I think I do) and workout regularly but can't drop this bit of excess weight. ggrrrr.

I had to go back to the lab today to have some blood taken for some tests. They are going to check my 'c-peptide' (no idea if that's spelled right, or what it really means). My doctor said it will help them determine how well my beta cells are still working. To test that I had to have a high blood sugar for some reason. He just recommended eating my regular breakfast and not taking any insulin. That terrified me so I took half the normal amount. By the time I got to the lab I was feeling it. I checked and was at 353. They took the blood and I corrected immediately. I feel strange now but am at 98 so that's good. I'll get the tests back in a week or so.

That's about it for now. I need to get back to work and maybe go for a walk over lunch since it's finally warming up here. I love the midwest. :)

Endocrinologist

2005-05-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

For those of you interested in that cookie recipe, I'll post it tomorrow (if I manage to remember to copy it out of the book tonight!). I do know that each cookie is about 15 carbohydrates.

Today I have an appointment to go see my endocrinologist. This will be my second visit with him since moving to this city. He's a very friendly guy and seems to care about my health. I have no complaints, but then again since moving here I haven't had any sort of major diabetic related problems (which is good!).

After first being diagnosed, the hospital doctor recommended the only type 1 diabetic doctor in town. I lived in a small town before I moved here and there was no endocrinologist there, so a type 1 doctor was the best to be found. Luckily he was wonderful. He was the most energetic person I'd ever met, let alone a type 1. I walked into his office the first time and he jumped right into telling me how "everything will be just fine. A few months from now you'll look back and think about how worried you were right now, and then you'll think about how 'normal' your life is again." My doctor was an amazing athlete. Normal for him was hiking up our 12,000 foot mountain (our town was at 7,000 feet) and skiing down it.

Well, if he could do that then I could certainly start jogging again. I started jogging only a month after being diagnosed. It was hard to get that balance of having a high enough blood sugar ahead of time and letting it drop just the certain amount. I've got it about right now, but I still always jog with some glucose tabs handy.

Anyway, I find that I'm eager to go to the doctor today. I like to have the updates every three months on what my a1c is. Last time I was very surprised to find out that it was so good. Hopefully the good news will keep coming.

Bread and crackers

2005-05-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

First, I just wanted to let anyone who is reading this know that you should feel free to leave comments. I really enjoyed seeing the message from Kerri and reading her blog. So please don't be shy!

I love to bake. I grew up with my mom having Friday's off and she would bake six loaves of whole wheat bread. Upon arriving home from school I would walk into the house that would be filled with the smell of fresh bread. The heel was my favorite part, with warm butter.

I went to college and during my junior year called my mom up to get that recipe. She laughed at me, at my desire to start baking now that she wasn't there to help me and show me how. I got the recipe and made some bread. It takes about 4-5 hours start to finish since the bread rises so many times. The first time I made it it was nothing like my mother's bread. But I continued trying and started baking bread fairly often.

After being diagnosed I didn't bake for almost 8 months. I was just worried about the carbs. How on earth to do I figure out how many carbohydrates are in this homemade bread? I finally just decided that I'd figure it out by trial and error. I baked a few months ago and it was fine (the bread was great too).

Yesterday I had a free Sunday for the first time in about a month. I used it to clean and bake. I made multi-grain bread (two loaves) and whole wheat crackers. It was such a good feeling to not only bake, but to think of my mom baking those same things years ago. The only difference is that now I have to think about my blood sugar.

Type 1, Type 1.5, Type 2

2005-04-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

I've gotten used to non-diabetics giving me a confused look when they find out I'm a diabetic. My brother joked with me after being diagnosed saying "When I found out from Mom & Dad I thought, 'but she's not overweight.'" My normal description goes something like this: "Well, I'm a type 1 diabetic, which is also known as Juvenile Diabetes. I have cells that are attacking my pancreas as opposed to type 2 diabetics (the majority of diabetics) whose pancreas has kind of gotten worn out." It's a ridiculous description of both diseases, but it's about all people can handle who have no real idea what diabetes is. I sometimes go into more dept about how type 1 diabetics have to take insulin all the time since their pancreas in the end will stop working all together, and type 2 diabetics can take oral meds and diet/exercise to improve their diabetes, but not get rid of it all together. Most people just don't know.

I read the article on Martha's site about the woman who is working with her kids to get them not to eat candy & junk food. Her heart is in such a good place, trying to keep her kids healthy and teach them good eating habits, but it is frustrating that she didn't do any amount of research on diabetes to determine the difference. This doesn't make me angry so much as annoy me. But then I think of the plethora of diseases that I have no idea about, that I may possibly refer to in an incorrect way sometimes without knowing. Granted, I'd hope I would double check my facts before sending a letter to the editor... but still!

I'm lucky that it is me with the disease and that I'm not a parent of a young type 1. That's what probably scares me the most, thinking of little kids who face this. I'm an adult and can figure all of this out on my own. I know the risks, I know what I have to do to keep it in control, I know how to explain this disease to those who don't understand it. I'm just so impressed with all the parents to face this everyday for their child.

It does frustrate me to see friends who have a family history of type 2 diabetes who are overweight. I want to shake them and say "I know it's hard to loose weight, but it's much more difficult to deal with diabetes and try to get healthy after the fact!" But I bit my tongue.

Today's the day

2005-04-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

Today is exactly one year since being diagnosed. My day today amazes me compared to what I was doing one year ago. I've already been to a brunch benefit, eating fruit, muffin, eggs and sorbet without any ill effects. Today I'm helping with setting up our annual dinner and shall participate in that tonight, getting home around 10 pm. Last year I woke up around 11 am, crawled out of bed only to pee and drink. Settled on the couch with a friend to watch a movie. Fell asleep about 15 minutes in. After the movie I was just about out the door to go to Wendy's to get a frosty when I received the news that I should go to the emergency room instead.

When reading other people's blogs (http://diabetesmine.com/ & http://marthaoconnor.blogspot.com/ are two I read everyday) I realize how lucky I am for many reasons. I got this at an age that I could easily handle it on my own, as opposed to getting it as a small child. I don't have other major responsibilities (kids and a family) so can focus on keeping my diabetes in check.

I have such a busy day today but this (my one year anniversary) has been on my mind for a couple days now. That's it for now.

Just an anonymous blog

2005-04-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

I've been reading other people's blogs about having diabetes for a little while now and thought I'd join in, albeit anonymously. I don't care to have any of my friend, family or co-workers read this, because it's really just a way for me to vent and ask questions from other diabetics.

On April 27th, 2004 I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and taken directly to the emergency room of our local hospital. My blood sugar was over 500 (which ment nothing to me at the time) and I later found out my A1c was about 13%. About a month before going to the hospital I went to a clinic and they diagnosed me with a 'stomach lining disorder'. A week later I went back and they diagnosed me with a sinus infection. Finally my boss sent me to her doctor and they immediately took a blood sample to test. I imagine the woman suspected right away that I was a diabetic since I had all the signs (so thirsty!). I had lost about 30 pounds and while in the hospital gained some back just from rehydration. At the hospital they started me on Humolog & a longer acting insulin (I have forgotten the name since I only used it for a couple days). I got out of the hospital with only a vague idea of when to take my insulin, how much to take etc. Two days later I got into a doctor who was a type 1 himself and learned much more in an hour that I had learned in the two days at the hospital. Along with putting me on Lantus, he sent me to a diabetes educator and both set me on the path to getting a pump asap. By early June of last year I was on my pump and back to normal. I was 23 at the time.

My one year healthy anniversary is tomorrow. My A1c is 5.6 as of two months ago. I'm still on my pump and have had no problems with it. My nails are back to normal and my hair is steadily getting thicker, back to normal. About three months after being diagnosed my hair started to fall out and my nails started to flake and crack. This is what happens to people with anorexia/bulimia, or apparently to people with diabetes that goes unchecked for too long.

I now live in a large city in the midwest closer to my family (I actually live with my 27 year old brother and a friend of his from college). I have a great job (with great health coverage). I don't have any body issues with my pump, but haven't dated anyone seriously since being diagnosed.

I guess I'm starting this blog so I can correspond with other diabetic blogers and tell my own story, as boring as it may be. In thinking of a name I thought of two things: my friend's mother, upon hearing I was a diabetic, exclaimed "She's got the sugar!" which I still think is kind of funny. I also have an aquantance who is a type one and always says she's got "the 'betes" with a shrug of the shoulders. I'm 24, have a great social life, great job, great family, and hey, I got the 'betes.