Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The fear

After reading Sandra's post about her son's uneasy feeling a few mornings ago, even though his blood sugar was okay, I started thinking about my own reactions to my body. After being diagnosed I listened to everything my body was telling me much much more. This has brought me to the fear.

This isn't just something that happens after a strenuous workout when I'm sweaty and shaking and the possibility of being low is quite possible. No, the fear occurs when I feel off. When I'm walking down the street and for one split moment feel dizzy. Or when I'm at work and I drank too much coffee and am jittery from caffeine. Or (my personal favorite) when I am wearing my glasses and my vision is fuzzy. Oh no! My blood sugar is so messed up right now that my vision is messed up! Oh my god I must be at 20 or 30 or something horrible! Fear! Oh, or that's just a finger print on my lens...

Anything, and I mean anything, out of the norm with my body can turn me into a fearful, irrational person. It's interesting how much has changed. Before being diagnosed I managed to ignore SO many things, especially when I was so so sick before being diagnosed. I can't fathom how I ignored that now.

13 Comments:

At 5:02 AM, Blogger Melissa said...

I can fully relate. I went from taking 10 dance classes a week to 0 because I am so scared of going low in the middle of class and never feeling any signs, or I am at my bag testing like a crazy person and just fine. I love the fingerprint comment..I did that yesterday :)

 
At 6:38 AM, Anonymous Elizabeth said...

I know what you mean. Who knows how long I was running around with blood sugars in the 500's. I felt great. Then I found out I had diabetes. I started taking insulin and within weeks I felt remarkably better. I never realized how bad I felt until I started feeling good again.

 
At 7:15 AM, Anonymous AmyT said...

Hey Tek,
I'm with you. I try not to go there, but since dx I just feel more "frail." I worry about every little health thing...

My husband keeps reminding me that Worry does the most damage :)

- AmyT

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Sandra Miller said...

T-

I see this very same fear growing in my son, and feel helpless to stop it.

Which leads to the big question-- do I really want to? After all, that fear might mean the difference between preventing a low and succombing to one...

I just don't know. Every maternal instinct in my body tells me to calm my son's fears. But, will that hurt him in the long run?

Doesn't help that even mom can be prone to "the fear" as well... oh my God, he's acting really goofy, maybe he's falling fast... only to find out that, yeah, he's just acting really goofy.

 
At 12:30 PM, Anonymous david said...

Sandra, I can't imagine parenting a young child with diabetes. It has to be terrifying... for both of you. My instinct says to trust your instinct. I think that a life-threatening condition breeds enough fear on its own without any help from the rest of us. Peace of mind, on the other hand, is often hard to come by.

David

 
At 1:23 PM, Blogger Kerri. said...

I agree -- this thing makes us so hyperaware, which is both a blessing and a curse.

To be so in tune with your body is a beautiful thing, so long as it is not at the expense of your mind's peace.

 
At 7:32 AM, Blogger Tekakwitha said...

Kerri

You have an amazing ability to clearly express what I'm trying to say. :)

In the end I'm going to follow my instincts. I feel weird? All it costs me is one little strip to calm my fears, or fix the problem.

 
At 8:34 AM, Blogger Kerri. said...

Thanks, Tek. :)

But be advised -- I have no math skills whatsoever. I'll express what you're thinking just fine, but ask me to recalcuate your correction factor and my head will actually implode.

And thanks for visiting my friend Julia's ("Batman") site. I know she appreciates the support. So do I.

 
At 8:03 PM, Blogger Penny said...

My son has diabetes. I struggle with trying to just let him be normal. I try not to associate everything he does with his sugar, but it is very hard. If he's grouchy, I prick his finger. If he's sluggish, I prick his finger. Sometimes I get a wierd feeling and I check his sugar. Like you said, all it does it cost me one strip to calm my nerves, but it's not really fair to him to blame everything he does or feels on diabetes.

 
At 5:35 AM, Blogger Violet said...

What tightrope walkers we all are. We'd make a great circus act.

I fret a lot about those fears. Haven't found the place K describes, the connection with body that doesn't arrive at the expense of the mind. It's one of my longterm goals for managing the disease.

 
At 4:52 AM, Blogger Kassie said...

Clearly you've struck a chord!

I once heard someone with eye complications describe swatting at bugs that she thought she saw out of the corner of her eye, but there were no bugs.

When I moved to VA in June of '03, I spent the whole summer convinced that I had eye problems. Turns out it's just really buggy here.

I can drive you nuts!

I like Amy T's Husband's take on this!

 
At 2:06 AM, Blogger Gabby Stone said...


Suffering from a long term disease and can't find a real solution for the disease by using pills or medicines just try some Home Remedies for that disease. Home remedies are the best way to get rid of any disease. Becausue home remedies have no side effects and you can take them regularly and treat the disease permanently.

 
At 2:07 AM, Blogger Gabby Stone said...


Suffering from a long term disease and can't find a real solution for the disease by using pills or medicines just try some Home Remedies for that disease. Home remedies are the best way to get rid of any disease. Becausue home remedies have no side effects and you can take them regularly and treat the disease permanently.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home

Site Meter