Picture

Yesterday I got home from work and found a card in the mail addressed to me. It was from an address I'd never seen before. I opened it and out fell a picture of the most beautiful two year old boy, head full of blonde hair, smiling at the camera holding Rufus the diabetic bear. It was a thank you card from the mother of the boy who was recently diagnosed to whom I'd sent my Rufus stuffed bear to.

Her note was almost unbearable. Read about how much her and her family appreciated the small token of the stuffed animal and reading about how difficult it's been just broke me. Standing in the entry way of my apartment, still wearing my coat and scarf, looking at this beautiful little boy with his medical alert bracelet visible, I just started crying. I've been reading all of these blogs by parents of type 1 kids(Dee, Sandra, Shannon, Martha, along with everyone replying to Kerri's recent request) and then getting this card has just made me so aware of the struggle that the parent have.

This post doesn't have much of a point beyond me wanting to share it with whomever reads this. This disease sucks sucks sucks.

Today

Today I'm angry.

For three days my blood sugar has been in the 200s more often than not. There are so many variables to check to figure out what's wrong.

Is it the insulin? I was nearing the end of the month. I tossed it and opened the new bottle.

Is it the site? I just changed it on Saturday morning. But I changed it again. Sometimes it's hard to get the right angle in my leg.

Is it the food I've been eating? I was at a wedding this weekend. Long road trip, crappy food all weekend. I ate my regular breakfast today that I always am able to bolus correctly for.

Is it the exercise (or lack their of)? I've been so busy for the past few weeks I haven't made it to the gym. I start again today after work.

Is it my body telling me it just needs more? Honey. Moon? Such a drastic change in a matter of days makes me think this is unlikely. But I just don't want to think about that. It just makes things more difficult.

So today I'm angry. And thirsty. And tired. I'm slowly crossing each variable off my list. I better figure it out soon.

Visit Home

This past weekend I drove 7 hours with my brother and his girlfriend to visit our family back in Iowa. I normally bring food with me because I have a love/hate relationship with fast food. Fast Food Nation anyone? But those french fries are sooo good. Until I check my blood sugar two hours later. Anyway, this time I didn't bring my dinner so we stopped by a McDonald's. This was a small MDs connected to a gas station and had limited options. No salads. So I get some chicken nuggets and a small fry.

We get home around 11:30 pm (I ate at 9:30). My mom is right at the door and grabs my face in two hands and tells me how great it is to see me. I pull back and scowl at her. I normally have a pretty big personal bubble, but this is something I should have been prepared for. I remember thinking "gah! Leave me alone! I've been in a car for 7 hours and I don't want anyone touching me! What are you thinking!?" Then I sit down, pull out my meter and check in a 270. That does nothing but piss me off. Why did I eat those fries? And why am I so freaking pissed off right now? I then told my family that I had a high blood sugar and was angry and I was going to bed. I check my bs at 2 and it was back to normal.

Then on Sunday I went for a walk with the whole family, 2 year old nephew as well. It wasn't a long walk but about half way through I start thinking I'm feeling weird. But I had just eaten an hour ago. After about five minutes of feeling strange I make the decision to grab my 17 year old sister and make her walk with me straight back home. I get back in a couple minutes, check and am at 50. I correct with food and am fine.

These experiences aren't strange for me. I have highs and lows and they rarely scare me anymore. But I talked to my mom yesterday on the phone and she said she was very worked up over the high and low. Since I wasn't diagnosed until I was 24, my parents haven't ever lived with me to see me in all these situations. This was the first time she's seen me either low or high and she said it really scared her. It strange to think about how little they see or know about my diabetic experiences, but how worried they are over the bit that they see. It makes me wonder how they would react if I ever had to live with them (gah!) and they saw it all the time. I imagine they'd get used to it after awhile. As I have.

The Walk and Sad News

I went on the walk last Sunday with my brother and my roommate. Our walk site was right on the lake shore and it was a beautiful day for it. Lots of people there, many with matching t-shirts. The walk itself was pretty short (7k) but I enjoyed seeing all those people walking for the same cause, talking the same language. While passing a snack station filled with water, nuts and jelly beans, I over heard a girl talking to her friend.

Girl 1: Oh look! They have sugar free jelly beans! How perfect!

Girl 2: But what if someone goes low?!

It was priceless. Surrounded by all these people with the same thoughts and concerns as myself.

The day after the walk I got an email from my parents. A couple from church have a 2 year old boy that was just diagnosed a week ago. I don't know the family at all but it really hit me hard. When I was diagnosed my doctor gave my name and number to another type 1 in my area (I was in a small town in Arizona at the time) who was my age as well. She stopped by my house shortly after with a gift. It was a stuffed bear named Rufus along with a book about him and type 1 diabetes. It was a child's book but I was really touched. I sent Rufus and my book, along with a note, to my parents' friends for their son. I'm 'healthy' now so I've no need for him, but I imagine that little boy will like him. I also sent a few links to some great blogs by parents of type 1s and recommended they joint a support group asap. I just want to tell them that it'll just get better from here on out. Now they know what is wrong with him and can get him healthy, granted with a lot of hard work. But still, it gets better.

The Walk and Sad News

I went on the walk last Sunday with my brother and my roommate. Our walk site was right on the lake shore and it was a beautiful day for it. Lots of people there, many with matching t-shirts. The walk itself was pretty short (7k) but I enjoyed seeing all those people walking for the same cause, talking the same language. While passing a snack station filled with water, nuts and jelly beans, I over heard a girl talking to her friend.

Girl 1: Oh look! They have sugar free jelly beans! How perfect!

Girl 2: But what if someone goes low?!

It was priceless. Surrounded by all these people with the same thoughts and concerns as myself.

The day after the walk I got an email from my parents. A couple from church have a 2 year old boy that was just diagnosed a week ago. I don't know the family at all but it really hit me hard. When I was diagnosed my doctor gave my name and number to another type 1 in my area (I was in a small town in Arizona at the time) who was my age as well. She stopped by my house shortly after with a gift. It was a stuffed bear named Rufus along with a book about him and type 1 diabetes. It was a child's book but I was really touched. I sent Rufus and my book, along with a note, to my parents' friends for their son. I'm 'healthy' now so I've no need for him, but I imagine that little boy will like him. I also sent a few links to some great blogs by parents of type 1s and recommended they joint a support group asap. I just want to tell them that it'll just get better from here on out. Now they know what is wrong with him and can get him healthy, granted with a lot of hard work. But still, it gets better.